My cat, Angel, had been missing for a few days. I expected something bad had happened to warrant her disappearance, and sure enough, she returned with a smashed leg, broken clean through so that it dangled at 90 degrees if you lifted it.
It was horrible.
Fanfan and I took her to the vet, and when the doctor gave us the news I had a hard time controlling my quivering bottom lip, and my eyes watered up. But I forced the emotions back down before they overwhelmed me.
$4000 for internal pins and bolts and external metal framework, plus significant ongoing costs for 'maintenance' operations with a hopeful recovery in the future. Or $2000 for amputation. Or euthanasia. Those were the options the vet provided.
A cat's life is worth anything, when you have anything to give. We have nothing, and we're struggling to make ends meet in our daily life. Even the pet insurance we had for her required us to pay the total before they would reimburse us 80% of it. It would have been nice to have thousands of dollars available to spend on her...
It's been incredibly upsetting to make the only choice I was able to. Fanfan and I discussed it, and we came to an agreement, and then I gave the vet the authorisation to proceed with euthanasia.
"...the authorisation to proceed..." A nice way of saying I told the vet to kill my cat.
Fanfan was present when Angel was put to sleep. I held back my tears in the waiting room. I couldn't be with my cat when she died.
I think part of the reason is guilt that I had no money. Another part is that I wanted to keep myself separate from the emotional reality.
I'll deal with it later, when I don't want to hold it back any more.
Rest in peace, dear Angel.
I'm sorry to hear that is the way this had to turn out.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't matter how much of a pragmatist or realist a person is.... These times are the hardest of times.
All the best to you and Fanfan. I guess Angel had become an appropriate name?
Thank you @disqus_y8W3xjTl7I:disqus, from both of us :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that Alan. RIP Angel.
ReplyDeleteActually, I could have written a similar article myself last year. It would have been called "I let my cats suffer". When my cat got seriously sick last spring the vet told us there was a slight chance she would live. It was me who decided against euthanasia. For fourteen days the cat lay in my bed, refusing to eat while getting weaker and weaker, until one morning she died in my presence. She was 18 years old. I kept asking myself: am I doing the right thing by not choosing to put her to sleep? But then, I just couldn't. In summer, the same happend with our second cat. I believe he got sick because he missed his best friend. Contrary to what people often say, I believe cats do have tender feelings for one another. I dug graves for both of them in the back of the garden under a lilac bush.
It's always painful when someone has to go.
Thank you @disqus_bOt8GewRtz:disqus. I'm sorry for your own losses too. It must have been horrible for you to go through that, and your own feelings about it afterwards. Did you get more cats afterwards?
ReplyDeleteThanks Alan! Yes it was horrible especially since I spent more than half of my life with those cats. It's true when they say that it gets better with time though. Your pain will get better too. We still have one more cat, who is now spoiled with the most delicious titbits. No kittens now. Maybe someday.
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