The free market of sexuality

What is this 'free market of sexuality', I can hear you asking? Simply, it's the reality out there that most people don't want to acknowledge, especially if they believe that they're not highly desired in the market. But they're aware of it, they just pretend it's not there because they don't want to be hurt by it.

What's a free market? In the normal world it's where goods and services are coordinated by supply and demand, without external regulations or controls by governments or monopolies.

When the 'free market' is applied to sexuality, you can see that those with 'the best goods and services' are in high demand and available to only those who can afford it.

Social pressure encouraging exclusive relationships and marriages are 'regulations and controls' to restrict the free market of sexuality, and is maintained by those who have something to lose from the free market.

But there are a lot of affairs that occur, where one or the other partner in a relationship or marriage end up end up engaging in sex with someone else outside of the relationship.

This is because there's something missing from the relationship that they're able to get outside of the relationship.

The free market of sexuality can not be controlled.

I was inspired to write this post by something I read:

It’s funny how a lot of the same people who wish for a return to a more patriarchal “ownership of women” type society where marriage is for life etc., also claim libertarian leanings in their political views and profess their love of the free market. Does anybody see the conflict here? I see a few hands going up in the back row… good, good. If you think that free competition is the way to solve society’s problems and provide the highest standard of living and the best products and services to everybody, then why should that not apply to sexual products and services just like it’s supposed to apply to everything else? I mean, in economic terms, if I’m providing a better service to a girl than you are and she chooses to shop in my pants instead of yours, then your trying to claim that she’s “your” girl and enforce a monopoly through violence or legal restrictions is just wrong – it’s oppression, fascism, communism, anti-Americanism… you hate freedom! Reconcile that with your self-professed libertarianism.

If we value freedom, how can we reconcile that with the bondage implicit in exclusive relationships and marriage? How can we desire freedom when we suppress that in the very people we love?

"I love you. Now I take away your freedom and enslave you to my needs."

I'm getting married this year. But I'm not doing it because I'm buying into the idea that I'm suddenly owned by my partner, and I have to give up everything I've ever held dear. Nope, that's not me.

I'll be managing my marriage in a way that continues to ensure my freedom, because giving up freedom is something I can't do.

I understand the free market of sexuality completely. I've engaged in it many times over the years. I've been the man that quite a number of women have had affairs with behind their husband's backs.

These experiences helped me learn that no one owns anyone, and that your position in a relationship is determined not by sitting back and relaxing, but doing your best to make sure that you maintain your value to your partner.

For example, you stop looking after yourself and let yourself get fat, then your value decreases dramatically to your partner. Your expectations about them being 'bonded' to you by marriage or exclusivity have no bearing on reality.

The reality is that if you're not doing your best to 'maintain demand', then your 'services' will lose their value and your 'client' will look for someone else that will better suit their needs.

This is the nature of things, but it's the nature that many don't want to consider. Especially those that know they have little or no value. They don't want to consider that their partner will be looking for someone else to provide what they're no longer getting at home. Demand has dropped, and the supply dries up.

If you want to maintain your relationship or your marriage, you need to understand these things about human behaviour. You need to understand that if you're not doing your best to look after the supply of your goods and services to your partner, then they're going to start looking for someone else to supply them.

Even attempts to 'own' your partner fail, because the pain of bondage is often far more painful than the pain of breaking those ties and seeking freedom.

You need to allow your partner to be free in the relationship, and you need to make sure that you are the best that you can be, and that you're providing a rewarding and fulfilling experience at home, in the relationship.

This is true for both men and women.

If you're not doing everything you can to be the best you can be, why would your partner stay with you? Why would they not look for someone else that can meet their needs better?

They do. The number of affairs proves that.

If you do what you can to maintain the supply for your partner's demands, and you are BOTH doing this for each other, then THAT is when your relationship will be rewarding and fulfilling for both of you, and there will simply be no need for either of you to look elsewhere.

If your needs are being met at home, there's simply no reason for you to look elsewhere.

Most people forget this. They want to create feelings of obligation in others so that they don't have to do anything themselves. They're selfish and needy, and they know it. But they try to use 'controls and regulations' to restrict their partner's freedoms to ensure they continue to receive benefit from it.

You can probably tell I completely reject this, and always will.

Me getting married will never play into this way of things. I understand that if I'm not being the best I can be, then my partner deserves to move on and find someone else. If I'm not fulfilling her needs, then she's with the wrong man.

And she knows the same is true for her. I've made it clear that if she's not fulfilling my needs, I'll be looking elsewhere.

We both have to be on the ball. We both have responsibilities to ourselves and to each other, and we should never forget that. When we get lazy and irresponsible, we're not deserving of someone else's 'bondage' to us, and that's when things need to change or end.

What about you? If you're in a committed relationship or marriage, are you doing everything you can to be the best you can be? Are you creating enough demand for what your partner needs, so that he or she doesn't need to look elsewhere for them?

That's the secret to a successful relationship. Anything else is bullshit.