Starting Over (guest post)

I've been a passive aggressive man in my past relationships, so my writing has been about my experiences and my growth from my perpective. But there's also the perspective of someone who has had to live with a passive aggressive man, and it's that perspective that I've never been able to write about.

One of my regular visitors has been affected by a passive aggression partner. We've had a number of discussions over the past year or so, and she's finally decided that she would love to write a guest post in my blog, on the topic of passive aggression. I'm very happy for her to be a guest writer here, writing about something important to her, from the perspective of being the partner of a passive aggressive man! I'm grateful and appreciative that she wants to share her feelings with us on this blog.

Without further ado, it's my honour to present her first post.

Starting Over 

When interacting with a passive/aggressive man, the man may choose not to change, or he may be lazy in changing, not realizing you are serious about ending the relationship.  This forces the person tired of the passive/aggressive man to end the relationship in order in order to survive physically, emotionally, and for the well-being of the children.

How do you start over?   First you have to start with the divorce.  Are you sure you want to divorce?  Is there any shred of hope left?  I don’t believe there is any hope left.  I have tried for 20 years to no avail.  I have asked him to support me (emotionally) which he doesn’t know how nor does he want to learn how.  I have given him lists on what I feel I need emotionally, and the lists have been ignored.  I have asked him to help me train the children, and he said he doesn’t know how.  So I gave him books, and the books were ignored.

So what do I do?  Move on.  Despite the pain, separation, and devastation to the children, I have to move on to preserve the remnant that is left.  I am lonely, and I can’t imagine being lonely for another 20 years.  Not only that, the children need a parent in charge.  Division of authority leads to confusion and rebellion.  This leaves many hopes and dreams shattered and dissolved, but at the same time those hopes and dreams never came to fruition.

Once you find a lawyer, you will want to be civil about the matter.  No sense in fighting with the person and wasting a lot of money.  I will have to give up a lot, but at the same time, I don’t believe I have any choice.  You will also want to be civil and kind with the children.   It is hard to refrain from talking bad about the spouse, but the children still need a dad.  One that they can admire, think highly of, and spend loving time with him regardless of the failed relationship between us.  Maybe he will do better with the children once the separation/divorce is in place.  So far he hasn’t, and it might be a hard reality check with the children also.  It has been two weeks since he has moved out, and he has not had any physical visitation with the children.  They blame it on me, but I try to comfort them and I do (right now), try to justify it until the divorce is final.    After the divorce is final,  I will let the cards fall where they fall.

Reality is starting to hit hard.  I cry many days.  Many days I feel relieved.  My heart aches.  But I have to be strong.

My journey begins.

- Girl Friday

Are you an Indigo Adult?

Back in 2011, a friend of mine suggested to me that I might be an Indigo.“Eh? What’s that?” I thought to myself, and then, like everything that comes into my life that I don’t know about, I Googled it to learn what it is. What I discovered about Indigos intrigued me. I felt that it answered a lot of questions, but it also raised even more.

Ever since then, I've found and met Indigos in my life and on the internet. They're out there, and they're looking for answers. They find my writing, and they get in touch with me. They don't understand why they have the experiences they do, but they know they feel alone as a result of them. Finding other Indigos is like finding an oasis in the desert, with other Indigos gathered around the waterhole.

They might not have the answers, but at least they realise that they're looking for them together.

So what is an Indigo Adult?

This quote is, I think, a good outline of what an Indigo Adult is:

Some people say that the purpose of all Indigo adults is to raise the vibration of the planet – this is mostly true, they are not here to cower in fear or to do nothing at all. They are here to improve this planet for everyone, in some way. But often where Indigo adults have a problem is in finding out exactly how they can improve the planet. Every cell in an organism serves a function, and as an Indigo cell, you are not like every other Indigo cell. You possess the same molecular structure, but your function is different. The eye cell doesn’t do the same thing as the hair cell. Both are needed, both are loved, respected and accepted for what they are, but they do not have the same traits and abilities. They don’t do the same thing. So what is your purpose as an Indigo adult? You have to find it yourself.

Yeh, that’s great. Thanks….

I know that my writing is my way of helping to improve the planet. I know that in my communications and connections with other people, I provide them with answers or assistance to problems they're experiencing. I feel like I'm doing my part, but I also know I could be doing so much more. I feel like that will happen soon enough, and I just need to be patient and let things work out as they should.

How do you know if you’re an Indigo?

Well, if you can relate to most of the following, or even all of them, then it’s likely that you are an Indigo:

1. Are intelligent, though may not have had top grades.


2. Are very creative and enjoy making things.


3. Always need to know WHY, especially why they are being asked to do something.


4. Had disgust and perhaps loathing for much of the required and repetitious work in school.


5. Were rebellious in school in that they refused to do homework and rejected authority of teachers, OR seriously wanted to rebel, but didn’t DARE, usually due to parental pressure.


6. May have experienced early existential depression and feelings of helplessness. These may have ranged from sadness to utter despair. Suicidal feelings while still in high school or younger are not uncommon in the Indigo Adult.


7. Have difficulty in service-oriented jobs. Indigos resist authority and caste system of employment.


8. Prefer leadership positions or working alone to team positions.


9. Have deep empathy for others, yet an intolerance of stupidity.


10. May be extremely emotionally sensitive including crying at the drop of a hat (no shielding) Or may be the opposite and show no expression of emotion (full shielding).


11. May have trouble with RAGE.


12. Have trouble with systems they consider broken or ineffective, ie. political, educational, medical, and legal.


13. Alienation from or anger with politics – feeling your voice won’t count and/or that the outcome really doesn’t matter.


14. Frustration with or rejection of the traditional American dream – 9-5 career, marriage, 2.5 children, house with white picket fence, etc.


15. Anger at rights being taken away, fear and/or fury at “Big Brother watching you.”


16. Have a burning desire to do something to change and improve the world. May be stymied what to do. May have trouble identifying their path.


17. Have psychic or spiritual interest appear fairly young – in or before teen years.


18. Had few if any Indigo role models. Having had some doesn’t mean you’re not an indigo, though.


19. Have strong intuition.


20. Random behavior pattern or mind style – (symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder). May have trouble focusing on assigned tasks, may jump around in conversations.


21. Have had psychic experiences, such as premonitions, seeing angels or ghosts, out of body experiences, hearing voices.


22. May be electrically sensitive such as watches not working and street lights going out as you move under them, electrical equipment malfunctioning and lights blowing out.


23. May have awareness of other dimensions and parallel realities.


24. Sexually are very expressive and inventive OR may reject sexuality in boredom or with intention of achieving higher spiritual connection. May explore alternative types of sexuality.


25. Seek meaning to their life and understanding about the world May seek this through religion or spirituality, spiritual groups and books, self-help groups and books.


26. When they find balance they may become very strong, healthy, happy individuals.

Now, the only one I don’t relate to in the above list is #22, but I’ve often thought it would be pretty cool if street lights blew behind me as I walked along…. although that would probably really freak me out, so it’s probably a good thing that doesn’t happen!

One of the interesting things is that you either relate to most of them, or only a few of them. You're either Indigo or you're not. If you are, you also have a strong feeling that you're just not like other people, that you're different, and few others understand you.

You're not alone.

Do you think you’re an Indigo Adult?

If you relate to most of the 26 traits in the above list, I’d really love to hear from you, either in a comment below, or by email. I’d like to get to know more Indigo Adults out there.

Traveler Interview: Charlie of SpyTravelogue

Today's interview with a perpetual traveler features Charlie Grosso ofSpyTravelogue. You can also find her About page here atcharliegrosso.com and that will lead you to some of her other ventures in art, photography, writing and consulting.

Could you please tell us about yourself?

A 140 character bio reads something like this:

Art Gallery Director. Brand Consultant. Photographer. Adventurer. Writer. Possible Spy. Drove Across the World in a Tiny Car. Fearing Less Loving More. Only fitting I live under an alias.

I have a background as an advertising photographer and a creative director before I fully embrace the unconventional life I now live.

Currently I am the executive director of a roaming gallery in NYC. I write for various travel outlets when I am on the road. I am addicted to adventure and I seek out it out as frequently as possible, including being the only woman to complete The Mongol Rally alone in 2012.

I have been working on a long term documentary project called, Wok the Dog, about food markets around the world and I will finish the shooting portion of it this year.

Why did you decide to start travelling?

I don’t think there was a moment that I decided to travel. I did my first solo trip when I was 20, Europe on a EuroRail Pass. Nothing too out of the ordinary but the hunger for more set in ever since.

What keeps me on the road is a sense of love and curiosity. I want to see the world. I want to engage in it, be a part of it, and participate. I want to bring you stories back from out there so you would go see it for yourself.

How long have you been travelling?

I’ve been actively traveling for 15 years now.

What's your favourite country, and why?

Ha! That is a tough question and I think one most frequent travelers hate. The easy answer, where I have not been.

What's been your most memorable experience?

The things that really stick in my mind are the people that I meet. There has been no shortage of adventures, from The Mongol Rally and my teammates quitting on me and going it alone to being kidnapped in Morocco to buses filled w/ counterfeit goods crossing boarders to hitching a ride in the middle of the night in Colombia. It is seldomly just the event alone that makes it memorable but the characters that help fill out the plot line. My teammates and their individual temperament that lead to them quitting. Fellow ralliers that fills my heart with joy and the connect we share, the sense of camaraderie. Michele the Romanian judge who was on the bus filled w/ counterfeit goods and the cab ride we shared afterwards. The man who kidnapped me in Morocco is actually an ex-lover of a friend’s friend.

The good, the bad…..all the stories are made better because of the people who played a part in it and it is the people that I meet on the road that is always my favorite and makes the largest impact. Occasionally, I meet another part of myself and that is pretty remarkable too.

What's your average cost of travel per week?

That really depends on the country I am in and what is going on. I’ve lived on $30 a day in Central America. I try to keep it very in-expensive.

What do you do to earn money?

I work as a freelance brand consultant which is something I can do from the road. The art gallery is growing and it is starting to sustain me.

What do you like and dislike about your lifestyle choice?

The uncertainty is something most people find challenging. There is no guarantee or certainty to be had and embracing the unknown as hard or as far as we do is not easy. There are moments when I question my choice and wonder if life would be easier if I stayed in advertising or just did one thing or gone the predictable path. However, I feel like I am actively living my life instead of just existing and counting down the days. Feeling absolutely alive as frequently as I do is something that I would not trade.

How has it changed you?

I worry a little less, fear less.

What advice would you offer people who are thinking about doing the same thing?

I wish this was a video interview…so you can see the look on my face. Ha! You mean, to go traveling or to live multiple lives at the same time?

Either way, don’t think too hard about it is what I would say. Thinking just gets in the way and this is the advice from someone who has a PhD in over-thinking everything. Everyone I know who now lives on the road and are a perpetual traveler started out on a 3 month – 1 year trip and decided they didn’t want to return to their lives. I am one of the few who decided to come back and live a double life. The re-entry and the next exit is always hard but it gets better with time. What you learn from being on the road is that you can’t really plan these things. You figure it out as you go and so figure it out as you go. Trust it and don’t let fear dictate how you live your life.

Charlie, thank you so much for your time in responding to this interview, it's really appreciated.

 

Let's fix that personality of yours

I've known for quite a few years now that I'm an introvert, which I've been embracing fully. My fiancée is introverted as well, which works really well for both of us. I know someone who's completely extroverted and, like many extroverts, she thinks that 'her way' is the only normal way. Anyone that's introverted has something wrong with them.

Late last year she tried a sort of intervention. She sat me and my fiancée down one day and told us how concerned she was for us. Being introverted wasn't normal, she said. Surely there's medical treatments for it, she said. With a look of concern she said she needed to tell us that we weren't normal, that we had issues, and she was sure there was an operation we could undergo that would fix us. She'd help us find the proper treatment, she said.

Before I could bitch-slap her I stood up, said to my partner it was time to go, and walked out. I haven't seen her since and I've worked out that I have no interest in seeing her again.

It offends me that these judgemental, closed-minded, short-sighted, ignorant people exist. I can tolerate it to a point, but that point is when they start encouraging me and my loved one to have an operation to be something I'm not, just so they feel more comfortable around me.

Along the Great Ocean Road

Over the Xmas / New Year period (2012/13) I spent some time travelling around Victoria and South Australia. I did about 5,000 km (3,100 miles) in two weeks, and thoroughly enjoyed every last minute of it!



It's taken a while, but I'm just now getting around to putting up some photos of the trip. I'll be separating the photos into posts about the locations, and will focus the photos in each post on the relevant location. I hope you enjoy!

We set out along the journey from Melbourne, and took a ferry from Sorrento, Mornington Peninsula across Port Phillip Bay to Queenscliff.

Sorrento to Queenscliff via the ferry

Some photos I took using my Samsung Galaxy Note smartphone:







The Great Ocean Road

Once we arrived on the other side in Queenscliff, we started driving south, along the coastal road. Oh my... The views were just amazing, and there were a LOT of stops along the way! You can probably understand when you see the photos....







The 12 Apostles

The next morning, after camping overnight nearby, we went to get some sunrise photos of The 12 Apostles.



And that, my friends, was the Great Ocean Road. Truly a beautiful location, and one day I might even go back and take some more photos.

Why I'm a terrible travel blogger

Why I'm a terrible travel blogger - plus a few tips on how YOU can be a better travel blogger!

I was reading a travel blog today that is a pretty good travel blog, but the author seems to think they're not (Why I'm probably the worst travel blogger ever (+10 tips for getting better)). I thought I'd take their reasons (and tips) and do my own kind of thing with it. Because if they thought they were a terrible travel blogger, then I must really suck!

And, as I talk about these things - and ask you some questions about them too - you might find something worthwhile to consider with your own blog.

Publish a new blog post as often as possible 
...at least twice a week or, even better, on a daily basis.

Ok, I do this. But not just as a travel blogger. I'm often doing posts about various 'stream of consciousness' topics that are on my mind, and that I feel passionate enough to share. Sometimes I'll do a few posts a day, other times I'll go for a few days without posting. For me, it's been more important to post when I feel I have something to say, rather than because someone else thinks I should post more frequently. But I do know that posting more frequently, particularly about the topics I want to focus on, is a good way of inviting and holding on to more guests. Do you think I should post more frequently?

Give your posts a personal touch 
...show you're a real person so your readers can identify with you...

I think I do this, particularly with the topics that talk about the challenges I've had in the past, or in the present. The theme of my blog is, after all, all about my journey in life. Including travel. But not just travel. It's about me, about my personal feelings and experiences on my journey, so I try to share that. What do you think I'm missing?

Learn SEO and do keyword research 
...and check your Klout Score, your Page Rank and Google Analytics!

Now this is something I've never been interested in, and never fully explored. I've not been one to aim my posts at simply improving search results, preferring to just write what's on my mind. But maybe I should start to? It's likely that if I work on improving my SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) that I'll get more people coming here, and more interested about what I'm saying. What keywords or topics would you find interesting enough to leave a comment about?

Choose Wordpress as your platform 
...because all serious travel bloggers are using Wordpress!

While the author of the other blog disagrees with this, I'm inclined to agree. I've experimented with other platforms and tools, and I've always come back to Wordpress. It's just so much better in terms of customisation and theme control. You can pretty much do what you want with it, and have it set up exactly the way you want. There's all kinds of plugins and widgets that allow you to anything you could possibly imagine, plus a whole lot more! (Oh, and if you want me to help you with setting up or helping you with your Wordpress blog, I provide those services.) Do you have any suggestions for a better blogging platform?

Comment on other blog posts (like crazy!) 
...so other people and travel bloggers will notice you...

Again, this is true, but... As the other author agrees, finding the time to do this can often be an extremely difficult thing to do. With engaging in the activities of your life, as well as writing posts or replying to comments on your own blog, who has the time to go visit so many other blogs and comment on them too? I've always felt that the people who do that are the people whose existence revolves around their blog. They might be stay-at-home mothers or fathers, or people who aren't working and have very little else to do with their time. Good for them! But also good for you if you can find the time to do this around your own busy life.

Write guest posts for other blogs 
...get more readers, more traffic and a bigger audience!

This is also true. I've considered it in the past, and I might consider it again in the future. However, I've not really found any other blogs that I'd like to guest post on. There was one blog, but after an initial conversation with the author, I ended up doing nothing with it. I just couldn't find something I wanted to write that was directly related to his specific blog theme, so I didn't bother. It can be difficult, but if you can find a blog or blogs that will let you guest post and you can find something worthwhile to write about for them, then go for it. I hear it's a great way of bringing visitors to your own blog. Would you like me to guest post on your blog? Or maybe you'd like to guest post on this blog?

Monetise your blog 
...become your own boss and never get back to a boring 9-5 job job!

This would be great, but only if your blog is really, super duper popular! If you've only got a few dozen people a day finding your blog, there's no point putting advertising up for them to click on. You might only earn yourself a few cents a day, which isn't going to help you become your own boss. I know that it's my intention to one day have advertising on this blog, but I want at least 500 people a day visiting first. I've got a fair way to go before that happens! What do you think about monetising? Do you do it? Are you against it?

Choose a short and easy URL

Done. Alansjourney.com is easy to remember! This is definitely important, so that people can easily remember your blog's internet address, and come back to it later. Help your visitors want to come back by making it easy for them. What's your blog's URL? Share it with us, you can get more visitors!

Pay for a professional design 
...because beautiful Design is beau... ti... ful

I've spent many hours scouring the internet for excellent blog themes. I've been happy to pay for a professional design in the past, but what I'm using now is actually free. You just need to find something that works for you, and not be afraid to pay for it. It's got to look great, and allow the functionality that you desire on your blog. People love pretty things, and if your blog appeals to their 'pretty' scale, they're more likely to come back and enjoy staying. Is there anything you think can be improved about my blog? What do you think is missing?

Be social! 
...and have profiles on Facebook, Twitter, Google plus, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Reddit...

Yep, I do that. You can share posts with your friends via the buttons on the left, and I've got socially integrated commenting with each blog post, so that you can login with your favourite social media logins (eg. Twitter, Facebook, etc). I think that being social is important. People like to talk and discuss things, and if you allow that on your blog, you'll make them happy. Some blogs prevent people from commenting. They avoid being social. Then they just become a broadcaster who doesn't want to hear from other people. I don't like those blogs. I like to hear from other people, and I love encouraging conversation! What do you think about this? Do you do share socially?

Summary

I don't consider myself a proper travel blogger, but I do want to be. The reason I'm blogging is because I love writing, and I also love travelling, and I love sharing my opinions and my experiences with you.

I've pointed out above how I can improve my blogging, but maybe you can add some tips of your own in the comments below? Or you could tell me what you'd like to see on here that would be more in line with your expectations about travel blogging? 

Why I love New Zealand

One of the strong focuses in my life is people taking responsibility for themselves and their actions, and the consequences of their actions. The US, for example, has become a country where they've legislated the avoidance of personal responsibility, which has created an incredible culture of ignorance, arrogance, selfishness, spitefulness, and even violence over any of those issues, as people fight for their right to avoid responsibility. I loathe it.

Australia doesn't have that, not even close to it, but we're very influenced by American culture and their media, and it's only natural that many people start taking on those influences and think that if they see everyone doing it on TV, then it must be acceptable for them to do as well. And so we're starting to see our ignorance, arrogance, selfishness and spitefulness appearing in our own society. Thankfully without as much of the violence.

New Zealand is an enjoyable country because the kiwis are, in their own way, very patriotic about who they are, their country, their way of life, their resourcefulness, and their independence. While they watch US media - although nowhere near as much as Australia does; there's a lot more local and non-US television in NZ - they also recognise the cultural influence as something they just don't want in their own country.

They're also not afraid to implement social policies that are generally for the good of the people, rather than for the good of a select few corporate or political interests.

I love New Zealand. Love it a lot. The above is why I want to go back there. Not to mention the incredible beauty of the country.

Disclaimer: I'm basing my perceptions and feelings on when I lived there from 2000 - 2007. Admittedly, things may have changed a bit for the worse in the past 6 years. I hope not though! If you're in New Zealand, what do you think of what I've said above? Is your perception different to mine? Please add your comments below.