Why you should write every day

I was reading a post about why you should write daily, and I was thinking about it for my own blog.

Over a year ago I used to write daily articles for another blog I had. I did it every day, without fail, for about 4 months before I started to do them every few days, and then every week, every couple weeks... and eventually I stopped altogether after about the 6-7 months mark.

I stopped because the topic (wisdom in daily life) wasn't getting any better for me. I was losing focus and inspiration on writing new articles for the topic.

I decided to get back into writing in an old style of writing I used to do, which worked well for me, and seems to be working well for me now.

Write what I want to write, based on my interests and passions, when I want to write.

So while writing every day is certainly worthwhile as an exercise, you really need to have an excellent focus and understanding of what you're writing, and why you're writing.

If you don't, you might just find yourself trying to push shit uphill, and I'm sure you can imagine how messy that's likely to get.

But what about you?

Do you already write every day, on a topic that you're passionate about? Do you have any tips of your own about how others can write every day? Maybe you'd like to share your site with me and my other readers? Please link your blog below in a comment.

Or would you like to write every day? What would you write about? Why would you like to write about it?

I'd love your feedback and thoughts in the comments below.

Your life will be what you want it to be

"The world will be what it wants to be."
- Tao

I read that some years ago, and I had an epiphany. This world that we have, it's exactly what people want it to be. If they wanted something different, then they'd make it different.

The lives that people have, it's exactly what they want. If they wanted a different life, then they would make different choices, resulting in different consequences.

The things that we say we want, if we're not doing anything towards those things, then we don't really want them. We're just pretending we do. We might be saying that because we want to feel better about ourselves, by pretending that we have higher goals for ourselves. Or we might be saying it to have others think we're better than what we actually feel. Or we might be saying it because we actually, really, truly want it.

But then, if that was true, why aren't we doing the things that lead us towards what we say we want?

Because we don't actually, really, truly want it.

The world will be what it wants to be. And we will be what we want to be. And what we are is exactly what we want to be. And what we become will be exactly a consequence of what we do.

Think about that for a while.

Evolving beyond

Whenever you evolve or get better at something, or you want to explore a new direction in life, people around you will try to prevent you. They'll give you all manner of reasons and arguments about why you shouldn't be doing whatever it is you're doing. It's because what you're doing disturbs them.

They see you doing [whatever it is] and they want to do it too, but it shows to them their own apathy and laziness towards it.

So instead of joining you, they try to prevent you from doing it, so that they can feel better about themselves and their own inaction.

They're not even aware they're doing this. It's completely subconscious. But they do it nevertheless. You've probably seen them doing it in your own life, providing you with resistance to your plans.

Don't listen to them. Don't take to heart the things they say. What they're doing just shows you how fearful they are of your success. Don't let their fear stop you from achieving your objectives.

Leave them behind if necessary. You'll find new people in your life that will always be where you're at.

If your old friends won't join you, make new friends in the new places you'll end up in.

Behind every great man is a great woman

I was reading about one man's exploration into picking up women (Beyond pickup - have your cake and eat it too?) and I was thinking about it in relation to my own experiences and observations over the years.

What I've come up with from my reflections is that if you want to pick up the kinds of women that exist in your fantasies, then you have to become the kind of man that those fantasy women would be attracted to.

Is that really you? Do you want to become a fantasy yourself, or a caricature of yourself, just so you can attract those kinds of women?

Many men do. They think the only way they're going to enjoy having sex with lots of women is to be the kind of man that lots of women will want to have sex with. And they're right.

But at the end of the day, if they're not being themselves, then the entire experience is going to be unfulfilling for them. Sure, they'll have some fun for a while, but in the backs of their minds they'll know that it's all an illusion, all just a fantasy that they're living out.

And the problem with fantasies is that you eventually have to come back to the real world.

In this case, the real world is an unauthentic life. You're living a lie. You're pretending to be someone that you're not, and manipulating women with lies, so that you can get what you want from them. Choosing to live a lie means that you're always having to find new women to move on to, so that the illusion is never threatened by those who start to get close to you, who start to see the flaws in your illusion.

This is part of the reason that 'players' and 'pick up artists' (PUAs) are always finding new women. They don't want a girlfriend, for example, because then the illusion is shattered when the lies become known. Then they have to be responsible for their actions. Much better to stay on the move, never slow down, and never let women know who you really are.

I used to be one of those men that had problems even getting past a first date, let alone having a relationship. Those were terrible times. Eventually I got sick of the bullshit I was experiencing, and I decided to learn 'how to pick up girls'. I browsed the forums, read the articles, bought the books, and spent a great deal of time analysing how I can improve myself to be more attractive to women.

I had some success with it, enjoying meeting new women and the experiences I had with them, but it was from my experiences (rather than the forums and books) that I learned some very valuable lessons about male-female interactions. I learned that if you weren't a 'manly man' (I wasn't) you could still achieve success with hot women if you did a number of things:

• don't try to impress them (stop caring what they might think of you)


• don't get caught up in their dramas (when they drag you into their drama, you lose control)


• make them laugh (if you're an ugly fucker but you make a woman laugh, she's yours)

One of my most significant discoveries was that if you made an attractive woman think you weren't interested in them, and you put them into the 'friend zone' before they did, that just made them need to prove to you that they were worth your attention. They're very insecure, these woman, and they need validation. If you take it away from them, then they have to do whatever they can to get you to give it to them.

I ventured into the fantasy land, enjoying the experiences it had to offer, but after a couple years of this I decided it wasn't my thing. I didn't enjoy the lies. I didn't enjoy having to be aloof in order to maintain the mystery. I didn't enjoy having to hide the different women from each other, and the complications that brought into my life. It wasn't me.

So I gave it up and started working out how to live with authenticity instead of with lies. I think it's worked out pretty well so far.

When you give up on the fantasy and spend some time working out who you really are, understanding what's important to you and why, then a few things happen. You start to accept who you are, and you realise you don't need to run from yourself any more. You don't need to pretend to be someone else, just so you can feel good about yourself - even though the person you feel good about is an illusion.

When you understand who you are and what you want, then you can start moving forward with an understanding of the kind of woman that you really want to be with, who will complement you, rather than simply be your partner to a fantasy.

Knowing yourself is the key to finding your own perfect woman, the one who will be the authentic partner to your authentic self. She'll accept your weaknesses and complement them with her strengths, and her own weaknesses will be complemented by your own strengths.

There won't be any lies, because you'll get everything you want with each other. You'll struggle at first, but she'll make you feel comfortable to share the things in your past that you've been ashamed of, and they'll be accepted by her as simply who you are, and she'll love you despite them.

It's possible, because I have it. I've been through the fantasies and lies and now I'm with someone who accepts the real me. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. I don't have to tell lies to fool her or others. I've shared my secrets and shames and it's only brought us closer.

It's so refreshing.

Men that are constantly on the move, constantly chasing the next woman, are men who are missing something from their lives, but they're not really sure what it is. They probably don't even see it. It doesn't matter what excuses or even reasons they come up with to justify their actions. At the end of the day, they're searching for something they don't have.

And I believe what they're searching for is a good woman to be their partner in life.

"Behind every great man is a great woman."

For a man to be great, he needs a great partner providing him with support. For a man to know what is right, he needs someone he can trust to be his sounding board, to tell him when he's being an idiot, and to support him through the times when he needs it. To encourage him to always be his best, not just for her, but for himself, for the things he needs to do in his life.

That's what men are searching for.

Some go all beta and try to please all the women they meet. Some go all alpha and just try to fuck all the women they meet. The reason they do these things lies somewhere in between the two states of being.

Can beta males become alpha males? 

Absolutely. But it's because being beta is not giving them what they want or need, and they realise it and are hurt by it. Becoming alpha is a way of covering up the hurt, and of subconsciously striking back at the women that hurt them.

Betas that become alpha are angry. They're running from the state of being that didn't work for them. They go from one side side of the pendulum swing (beta) to the other side (alpha), and they might spend many years there before realising that they need to come back towards the middle to find a balance.

Another of the things I learned is that to women there are four kinds of men.

1. men that women want to fuck


2. men that women want to marry


3. men that women want to be friends with


4. men that women don't want to know

And it's extremely difficult for a man in any of those categories to be in any of the other categories.

• You might be an alpha male that she wants to fuck, but she won't want to marry you 'cause you just want to fuck every woman you see. Which is perfectly fine by you. :)


• You might be a beta male that she wants to marry because you have lots of money and you'll be a good father to her kids - she'll only fuck you to get her kids, but then she'll be fucking the alphas behind your back.


• You might be a beta male that she'll only be friends with for your emotional support - she won't want to fuck you and she certainly won't want you to be the father of her kids, either because you don't have enough money or you're just not alpha enough for her to want to fuck.


• And then you might be the omega male that she doesn't want to fuck, marry or have anything to do with. "Get away from me, you creep!"

If you're a beta male that's not getting what you want, you have to become more alpha. If you're an alpha male that's getting tired of chasing women, you might have to start becoming a bit more beta if you want to settle down with one. If you're an omega male that's wondering what you're doing wrong - get a job, buy some decent clothes, stop looking at porn, and do some fucking exercise.

When you're tired of it all, here's the secret to getting what you want. It's pretty simple. Be both alpha and beta. 

Be the guy that a great woman will want to fuck, but you'll also have to be there for her to make sure she's getting what she needs as well. That requires being emotionally available to her, to make her feel secure, to make the relationship a long one rather than a short one. Have a decent job that can propel you towards what you desire in life, and which will help maintain her own feelings of security that you can provide for her needs.

But make sure that's not why she's with you. It has to be about the support and the sex you're getting from a great woman, it can never be about the money that she thinks she's going to get from you. Dump her ass if that's the case.

If you've found your great woman, never let yourself become complacent, because as soon as you become too beta, as soon as she starts to think you're not satisfying her needs any more, you'll lose her.

If you're not a great man any more, then you'll lose your great woman. She'll go off to find another great man to support instead.

If you get fat, lose interest in the things that you were passionate about, and start to ignore your needs as well as hers, you become the beta male that she won't want to fuck. If you become a bad father and ignore her needs as well as the family's needs, then you won't even be the man she'll want to be married to. You'll be kissing all that goodbye.

You have to be your own man all the time, doing what is important to you, while still being there for her and supporting her to do what's important to her as well.

That way you both get what you need, and as long as you're both winning, you'll be doing great. As soon as one of you starts to lose, everything starts going downhill.

Always look for the win-win in your relationships, and never give up your own needs to satisfy someone else. Be the alpha and the beta and strive for the balance in between.

Good luck.

What's your personality type?

I'm curious about what your personality type is, in accordance with the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality profiles. I'm wondering what personality types are visiting this blog and reading what I write. Who are you? That's what I'm curious about.

If you're curious too, then fill out this quiz so that you can see what your type is, and let me know in the comments below.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

I'm an INTP

My own type is INTP. It means I'm Introverted, iNtuitive, Thoughtful and Perceptive. I'm going to copy the most interesting parts of its description and talk about it.

INTPs are pensive, analytical folks. They may venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them.

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My career is currently as a Business Analyst, so that's appropriate. I seem to have stumbled into a job I'm very good at. I'm also known to completely ignore the people around me, and the world in general, when I'm completely focused on something that requires me to think. Which is pretty much most everything I do.

INTPs are relatively easy-going and amenable to almost anything until their principles are violated, about which they may become outspoken and inflexible

I'm usually very relaxed and easy-going, but if you want to know what principles of mine I think are being violated, you only need to read the things I rant about. (Which reminds me. I should write a blog post about my principles, at some point...)

[Their] open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition.

One of the things I've noticed on many occasions is that when I'm arguing in favour of something I believe or have a strong opinion about, I'm often seeking more information from my opposition. I ask questions about their own thoughts and take onboard what they say as extra 'data' for my analysis. If their data doesn't mesh well with what I currently have, then I'm likely to ignore or reject it, but if it provides clarification or insight on data I already have, then I'm likely to allow it to modify my position if it makes sense to do so.

But getting to that point can often be quite challenging for whoever is my opposition at the time. :)

Mathematics is a system where many INTPs love to play, similarly languages, computer systems--potentially any complex system. INTPs thrive on systems. Understanding, exploring, mastering, and manipulating systems can overtake the INTP's conscious thought.

This is very true. I love playing with and creating new systems. In my career, my life, and even the games I end up playing have often seen me creating systems for other people to experience things more easily.

In seasons of low energy level, or moments of single-minded concentration, the INTP is aloof and detached in a way that might even offend more relational or extraverted individuals.

When I'm tired or just concentrating on something, I'm often detached and distant in ways that other people have been annoyed with. They think it's personal that I'm ignoring them, but it's not just them - it's everything that ceases to exist while I focus on something. I exist inside my mind, and everything outside of it disappears to me.

Your turn. What's your personality type? How do you feel about what you've learned of yourself? Do you think it's mostly accurate, or did you answer the questions wrong? :)

Live YOUR life

“Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life…

But why would I want to do a thing like that?”
- Trainspotting

People go through life pretending they’re doing things for themselves, but really, we all know that people do things because it’s what they THINK they should be doing.

They do things because society, family, friends, or work expects it of them. They dress a certain way to fit in with their friends or workplace standards. They go out to places because it’s where their friends like to go. They get involved with people that their friends and/or family would like them to be involved with.

Acceptance is very important to people, and the only way to be accepted by a group is to be like that group.

Even the so-called ‘rebels” are fitting in with a group of other rebels. They dress the same way, they do the same things, and they discuss the same subjects.

The only times people are actually doing something for themselves is when no one else is involved. But even then, under some circumstances, they might be doing it so that they can talk about it to others and allow them to be accepted for it.

People do things because it’s what they think is expected of them. They feel completely uncomfortable doing something that no one else is doing, because of how others might think of them. Every time someone has the option of doing something new and different, a very strong thought is, "How will others react to this? Will I still be accepted by them?"

A very big influence on people’s lives is how they were raised by their parents. Even though they may disagree with some of the values and ‘rules’ of their parents, continuing to be accepted by one’s parents is still a very strong influence. ‘Mother wouldn't approve’, or ‘my father told me never to do that…’ These and many more such things continue controlling how people live their lives.

The programming of your past does not need to determine how you live your life today.

Our parents programmed us to be as they wanted us to be, which was usually a reflection of themselves. They didn't take into account that their children could have their own unique individuality, and it’s often as people become teenagers and begin to explore who they really are, that conflict between themselves and their parents occur.

“I brought you into this world, I can take you out.” - Bill Cosby

Parents generally believe their children to be their ‘creation’, so to speak. They raised their children to be a particular way, and while they ‘program’ them to be that way, they are also programming themselves to always be the programmer. When their children start to exert their own individuality, conflict often occurs because the parents are generally unable to accept that their ‘creation’ is becoming something separate to themselves. A certain element of control and ownership is being taken away from them.

Those children who continue to grow up by avoiding conflict, and generally following the wishes of their parents, are the ones who live the lives their parents want them to live. They are unable to live their own life.

Society itself is probably the biggest influence on people’s lives as they grow up and become adults. They are the ‘victims’ of manipulation and pressure to conform.

Society and the media work together in convincing people that they must be like everyone else in order to fit in and be accepted. This is good for society in general, and for those who control it, but it isn't exactly good for the individual who THINKS they are living their own life.

“The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.” - Morpheus, The Matrix

The Matrix movie is an excellent story about the control that society has over individuals. People believe that they need to conform to the expectations of society, family, friends, etc, in order to be accepted and continue living their lives.

As Morpheus said in the quote above, people who are part of the system will fight to protect it. And anyone who is not part of the system is their enemy.

Don’t we see this in our world today? Individually and globally, people who are not part of accepted society - or of groups within society - are perceived as a threat. "People who live their lives according to different rules are a threat because those rules aren't OUR rules." They are therefore an enigma.

Anyone who prefers to live life according to their own rules is to be shunned, deemed an outcast, a weirdo, a loner or even a loser.

I have a simple philosophy – “If it feels right, and if it feels good, and it’s not physically harming anyone or has the potential of physically harming anyone, then do it.”

Live your life for yourself, respecting yourself and others along the way. Do what feels right for you. Don’t live your life according to what you believe others expect of you, whoever they might be. Live YOUR life.

“I know you’re out there. I can feel you now. I know that you’re afraid… afraid of us. You’re afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it’s going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then show these people what you don’t want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.” - Neo, The Matrix

The free market of sexuality

What is this 'free market of sexuality', I can hear you asking? Simply, it's the reality out there that most people don't want to acknowledge, especially if they believe that they're not highly desired in the market. But they're aware of it, they just pretend it's not there because they don't want to be hurt by it.

What's a free market? In the normal world it's where goods and services are coordinated by supply and demand, without external regulations or controls by governments or monopolies.

When the 'free market' is applied to sexuality, you can see that those with 'the best goods and services' are in high demand and available to only those who can afford it.

Social pressure encouraging exclusive relationships and marriages are 'regulations and controls' to restrict the free market of sexuality, and is maintained by those who have something to lose from the free market.

But there are a lot of affairs that occur, where one or the other partner in a relationship or marriage end up end up engaging in sex with someone else outside of the relationship.

This is because there's something missing from the relationship that they're able to get outside of the relationship.

The free market of sexuality can not be controlled.

I was inspired to write this post by something I read:

It’s funny how a lot of the same people who wish for a return to a more patriarchal “ownership of women” type society where marriage is for life etc., also claim libertarian leanings in their political views and profess their love of the free market. Does anybody see the conflict here? I see a few hands going up in the back row… good, good. If you think that free competition is the way to solve society’s problems and provide the highest standard of living and the best products and services to everybody, then why should that not apply to sexual products and services just like it’s supposed to apply to everything else? I mean, in economic terms, if I’m providing a better service to a girl than you are and she chooses to shop in my pants instead of yours, then your trying to claim that she’s “your” girl and enforce a monopoly through violence or legal restrictions is just wrong – it’s oppression, fascism, communism, anti-Americanism… you hate freedom! Reconcile that with your self-professed libertarianism.

If we value freedom, how can we reconcile that with the bondage implicit in exclusive relationships and marriage? How can we desire freedom when we suppress that in the very people we love?

"I love you. Now I take away your freedom and enslave you to my needs."

I'm getting married this year. But I'm not doing it because I'm buying into the idea that I'm suddenly owned by my partner, and I have to give up everything I've ever held dear. Nope, that's not me.

I'll be managing my marriage in a way that continues to ensure my freedom, because giving up freedom is something I can't do.

I understand the free market of sexuality completely. I've engaged in it many times over the years. I've been the man that quite a number of women have had affairs with behind their husband's backs.

These experiences helped me learn that no one owns anyone, and that your position in a relationship is determined not by sitting back and relaxing, but doing your best to make sure that you maintain your value to your partner.

For example, you stop looking after yourself and let yourself get fat, then your value decreases dramatically to your partner. Your expectations about them being 'bonded' to you by marriage or exclusivity have no bearing on reality.

The reality is that if you're not doing your best to 'maintain demand', then your 'services' will lose their value and your 'client' will look for someone else that will better suit their needs.

This is the nature of things, but it's the nature that many don't want to consider. Especially those that know they have little or no value. They don't want to consider that their partner will be looking for someone else to provide what they're no longer getting at home. Demand has dropped, and the supply dries up.

If you want to maintain your relationship or your marriage, you need to understand these things about human behaviour. You need to understand that if you're not doing your best to look after the supply of your goods and services to your partner, then they're going to start looking for someone else to supply them.

Even attempts to 'own' your partner fail, because the pain of bondage is often far more painful than the pain of breaking those ties and seeking freedom.

You need to allow your partner to be free in the relationship, and you need to make sure that you are the best that you can be, and that you're providing a rewarding and fulfilling experience at home, in the relationship.

This is true for both men and women.

If you're not doing everything you can to be the best you can be, why would your partner stay with you? Why would they not look for someone else that can meet their needs better?

They do. The number of affairs proves that.

If you do what you can to maintain the supply for your partner's demands, and you are BOTH doing this for each other, then THAT is when your relationship will be rewarding and fulfilling for both of you, and there will simply be no need for either of you to look elsewhere.

If your needs are being met at home, there's simply no reason for you to look elsewhere.

Most people forget this. They want to create feelings of obligation in others so that they don't have to do anything themselves. They're selfish and needy, and they know it. But they try to use 'controls and regulations' to restrict their partner's freedoms to ensure they continue to receive benefit from it.

You can probably tell I completely reject this, and always will.

Me getting married will never play into this way of things. I understand that if I'm not being the best I can be, then my partner deserves to move on and find someone else. If I'm not fulfilling her needs, then she's with the wrong man.

And she knows the same is true for her. I've made it clear that if she's not fulfilling my needs, I'll be looking elsewhere.

We both have to be on the ball. We both have responsibilities to ourselves and to each other, and we should never forget that. When we get lazy and irresponsible, we're not deserving of someone else's 'bondage' to us, and that's when things need to change or end.

What about you? If you're in a committed relationship or marriage, are you doing everything you can to be the best you can be? Are you creating enough demand for what your partner needs, so that he or she doesn't need to look elsewhere for them?

That's the secret to a successful relationship. Anything else is bullshit.