Do you ever find yourself worrying about things that haven't happened yet? Maybe you worry about what others think of you. Or you might even be thinking about things like losing your job, or having your partner leave you, or the dog getting run over by a car, or your teenage child doing drugs, or your parents-in-law dropping in unannounced...
It's easy to get caught up in the details of our thoughts, fears and worries, where we spend a great deal of time imagining how they could play out, but then we attach ourselves to the emotional effects of such thoughts becoming real. These 'dramas' in our mind are of things that haven't happened - but they might happen, and as a result, we give energy to the fear that they might happen. They haven't happened in real life, but already we're panicking out about them. They become real to us.
I call them mind dramas. They're fictional dramas about things that could go wrong in our life that occur only in our mind, but they make us feel like they're actually going to happen. As we go through our daily life we hold on to the stress of these mind dramas, which often changes how we behave.
For example, if we have a mind drama where our partner is going to leave us, we'll start behaving in our relationship as if that's what we expect to happen. We end up more sensitive than usual, and more argumentative or defensive. We have anger and fear within us that affects how we interact with them, so that suddenly they feel like we've changed, that we're no longer the person they thought we were.
We can often end up causing the very things we fear will happen.
As another example, if your partner talks about the changes they've noticed in you that have resulted from your fears, and they tell you that they're not going to accept it, you might think that just confirms the fears in your mind that they're actually going to leave you. As a result, you can often end up making things even worse.
Mind dramas are insidious. They get in the way of joy and happiness and contentment. They cause stress and anxiety and even paranoia. They're our fears talking to us, making themselves real in our mind before making themselves real in our life.
When you're feeling caught up in a strong emotion and you've got dramas occurring in your mind, it's a good idea to take a breath and ask yourself: is what I'm feeling based on something that's actually happened, or is it based on something that's happened only in my mind?
When we can realise that we're getting emotionally attached to something that only exists in our mind, it can help us let go of it. We can tell ourselves we're just being silly, getting all emotional about something that hasn't happened, that it's just not real. We can tell ourselves to calm down and move on from the fear.
What about the cause of those fears?
We can look at these dramas in our minds to understand what we're afraid of, instead of just letting them play out. Instead of focusing on the fears coming true, we can put our energy into understanding why we're afraid of these things.
If we look again at the fear of our partner leaving us, we can look at why we fear that. Could it be because they're not communicating with us enough? Or we're not communicating enough with them and we know it? Are they doing things we disapprove of that makes us fear they're thinking of leaving us, or we know we're doing something they disapprove of? Are we knowingly contributing to their unhappiness, and we fear the result?
Most of what we fear can be dealt with by taking some kind of action to address the things that are contributing to those fears. For example, we can take action to do something that we know will help prevent the eventuality of what we fear - like communicating better, or actually doing what we say we're going to do.
We can ask our partner if they have a problem, and when we know and understand what their problem is, we can make the decision to work on resolving it before it becomes a real issue.
Your fears are caused by something. Take the time to understand what that is, and then work out how you can resolve it so that you no longer fear the consequences of doing nothing. If you don't work on fixing it, the result won't just be mind dramas, but life dramas.
You can change your future
Think about all the dramas that have existed in your past, in your life. And think about those life dramas that existed in your mind first. Could you have resolved them in your life by resolving them first in your mind? Could you have taken the time to understand what you were afraid of, so that you could deal with those fears before they became real?
I think you could have done things differently in your past, and even though you can't change the past with thinking about this, you canchange the future.
Your past behavior is a good indicator of what your future behavior is going to be. If you want different experiences than what you've experienced in the past, then you're going to have to change your behavior.
If you've ignored dealing with your mind dramas in the past, and they've ended up becoming life dramas, then maybe it would be a good thing to deal with those mind dramas before they can influence your life. Maybe you can prevent a lot of your future life dramas by resolving your mind dramas first.
Think about how your life and the people around you are influenced by what goes on in your mind, and how it affects your behavior. And when you're done thinking about that, think about how resolving your mind dramas can prevent negative influences and drama in your life.
I don't know about you, but I think it's a great idea to seek a peaceful mind to bring about a peaceful life.
In fact, I think I'll start practicing that myself. Meditation, here I come!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
My journey towards releasing anger
I started writing 1000 words a day just a few days ago, and I've already felt that it's changed my life. Yesterday's post where I wrote of my story and why I was against feminism was a powerful experience for me. It brought about a strong emotional reaction that I last felt on the day of my wedding - but not for reasons you might imagine.
What I was writing became an emotional trigger for a lot of suppressed anger that I've kept hidden from myself for most of my life. And there's a lot there. I felt it boiling up inside of me, pulsating throughout my blood, and pounding in my head, to the point that I ended up getting a really strong headache from it. It was pretty intense.
I was getting up from my chair and going for a walk around the house, feeling the emotions inside of me, sitting down in the lounge room and trying to relax myself, but not succeeding. I had so much anger in me, I could feel it. I just wanted to cry from the feelings in my head and in my body, but the crying didn't come. So I went back to my chair and continued writing until I couldn't write anything more.
The anger is still inside of me, but it's not anger about feminism. It's anger about my mother and her treatment of me and my father. It's all the anger I was never able to express as a child and as a teenager, still there, bottled up inside of me.
The fact that I've never turned to violence, drugs or alcohol in my life has been nothing short of amazing.
I feel like I was punished as a child for everything I did that caused irritation or annoyance to my mum. I know that those feelings are probably exaggerations, and that I probably remember the worst of things while having forgotten the best of things. But the worst of things were so many, and for so long.
Most children are able to express their feelings while growing up, and are encouraged to do so. And then there's some children who are punished for expressing their feelings, so that they're taught that expressing feelings is wrong. and that being emotional or getting angry about something will result in punishment. So they keep it bottled up inside of them instead, because it was the safer option.
That was me, and I never learned a healthy way of expressing those feelings. Until I started writing, that is. In writing I can express my feelings and explore my thoughts, and there's a healing process going on. I recognise it, and I see it happening.
I'm also aware that I'm going through stages of emotional cleansing with this, and I need to go through them in order to reach compassion, because it's only with compassion that I'll really be able to seek out solutions that benefit everyone. Anger just makes me want to complain about the bullshit I see.
In my first paragraph above, I wrote that yesterday's post brought about a strong emotional reaction that I last felt on the day of my wedding. Let me tell you a story about what happened.
A very good friend of mine, Kath, was visiting and staying with me for my wedding. I've known her for about 17 years. She's an exceptional kinesiologist.
So she was giving me a muscle balance on the morning of the wedding, to reduce stress, etc. But something happened neither of us were expecting. I was laying on the floor while she was doing the muscle balancing, but she worked out there was a blockage somewhere which she traced back to when I was 7 years old. She got me to create a safe place in my mind, and then invite my 7 year old self into that safe place.
I did, and he joined me. He was sitting on the ground, drawing. I used to draw when I was that age. So Kath told me to talk to him, to tell him I'm here to look after him, that he's not alone, to act as his 'big brother', mentor, whatever. He was happy about that.
She told me to give him a gift, so I gave him a glowing white sphere, which was to be a source of strength and power to him, and a connection point between us.
Then Kath said that he should give me a gift too. He gave me a drawing of a spaceship - and that's when I exploded. I suddenly started uncontrollably crying. Kath was giving a running commentary because it surprised her. Apparently my face went red, but parts of it went white, which made her think I was releasing a potential future heart attack.
I used to draw - a lot. They were always sci-fi drawings. I would draw spaceships in great technical detail, sometimes including futuristic city scapes, but mostly just technical drawings of spaceships. I'd imagine myself out there in space, either in the spaceships, or viewing the spaceships. It was where I went to get away from my life, to escape the punishments I received for being a child. At least while drawing I wasn't doing anything to irritate my mum that would result in being punished.
And back to the present - I was crying because of what I'd lost, and what my 7 year old self had reminded me of. I'd been drawing most of my life, doing Art and Design in school, and drawing in my spare time up until my early 20's. But back then, two things happened within a couple of years.
I submitted an application to the South Australian Institute of Design (what it was called back then, if I remember correctly - this was about 23 years ago) to do a Bachelor of Design. I wasn't accepted. I found out that I was applying to be accepted to a class of 30 people, but there were over 5,000 submissions for that class. I realised there was too much competition, and I just wasn't good enough. I stopped drawing.
And then shortly after, all of my artwork and designs that I had in a huge portfolio folder blew away in the wind when I was moving house. I saw it blow away in the rearview mirror and told my friend, who was driving the ute, to stop so I could grab it. But he didn't care, and didn't stop. I can't remember what he said, but he blew it off.
I never draw again after that.
My 7 year old self reminded me of what I'd given up on, so many years ago, and the emotional reaction I had to this on the morning of my wedding was obviously something I needed to release.
In the same way, I'm aware that any anger I have about my mum, and about feminism, is an emotional stage I'm going through as I work towards releasing it all, to find resolution on the other side.
This is going to be an awesome journey.
What I was writing became an emotional trigger for a lot of suppressed anger that I've kept hidden from myself for most of my life. And there's a lot there. I felt it boiling up inside of me, pulsating throughout my blood, and pounding in my head, to the point that I ended up getting a really strong headache from it. It was pretty intense.
I was getting up from my chair and going for a walk around the house, feeling the emotions inside of me, sitting down in the lounge room and trying to relax myself, but not succeeding. I had so much anger in me, I could feel it. I just wanted to cry from the feelings in my head and in my body, but the crying didn't come. So I went back to my chair and continued writing until I couldn't write anything more.
The anger is still inside of me, but it's not anger about feminism. It's anger about my mother and her treatment of me and my father. It's all the anger I was never able to express as a child and as a teenager, still there, bottled up inside of me.
The fact that I've never turned to violence, drugs or alcohol in my life has been nothing short of amazing.
I feel like I was punished as a child for everything I did that caused irritation or annoyance to my mum. I know that those feelings are probably exaggerations, and that I probably remember the worst of things while having forgotten the best of things. But the worst of things were so many, and for so long.
Most children are able to express their feelings while growing up, and are encouraged to do so. And then there's some children who are punished for expressing their feelings, so that they're taught that expressing feelings is wrong. and that being emotional or getting angry about something will result in punishment. So they keep it bottled up inside of them instead, because it was the safer option.
That was me, and I never learned a healthy way of expressing those feelings. Until I started writing, that is. In writing I can express my feelings and explore my thoughts, and there's a healing process going on. I recognise it, and I see it happening.
I'm also aware that I'm going through stages of emotional cleansing with this, and I need to go through them in order to reach compassion, because it's only with compassion that I'll really be able to seek out solutions that benefit everyone. Anger just makes me want to complain about the bullshit I see.
In my first paragraph above, I wrote that yesterday's post brought about a strong emotional reaction that I last felt on the day of my wedding. Let me tell you a story about what happened.
A very good friend of mine, Kath, was visiting and staying with me for my wedding. I've known her for about 17 years. She's an exceptional kinesiologist.
Kinesiology encompasses holistic health disciplines which use the gentle art of muscle monitoring to access information about a person’s well being. Originating in the 1970’s, it combines Western techniques and Eastern wisdom to promote physical, emotional,mental and spiritual health. Kinesiology identifies the elements which inhibit the body’s natural internal energies and accessing the life enhancing potential within the individual [link]
So she was giving me a muscle balance on the morning of the wedding, to reduce stress, etc. But something happened neither of us were expecting. I was laying on the floor while she was doing the muscle balancing, but she worked out there was a blockage somewhere which she traced back to when I was 7 years old. She got me to create a safe place in my mind, and then invite my 7 year old self into that safe place.
I did, and he joined me. He was sitting on the ground, drawing. I used to draw when I was that age. So Kath told me to talk to him, to tell him I'm here to look after him, that he's not alone, to act as his 'big brother', mentor, whatever. He was happy about that.
She told me to give him a gift, so I gave him a glowing white sphere, which was to be a source of strength and power to him, and a connection point between us.
Then Kath said that he should give me a gift too. He gave me a drawing of a spaceship - and that's when I exploded. I suddenly started uncontrollably crying. Kath was giving a running commentary because it surprised her. Apparently my face went red, but parts of it went white, which made her think I was releasing a potential future heart attack.
I used to draw - a lot. They were always sci-fi drawings. I would draw spaceships in great technical detail, sometimes including futuristic city scapes, but mostly just technical drawings of spaceships. I'd imagine myself out there in space, either in the spaceships, or viewing the spaceships. It was where I went to get away from my life, to escape the punishments I received for being a child. At least while drawing I wasn't doing anything to irritate my mum that would result in being punished.
And back to the present - I was crying because of what I'd lost, and what my 7 year old self had reminded me of. I'd been drawing most of my life, doing Art and Design in school, and drawing in my spare time up until my early 20's. But back then, two things happened within a couple of years.
I submitted an application to the South Australian Institute of Design (what it was called back then, if I remember correctly - this was about 23 years ago) to do a Bachelor of Design. I wasn't accepted. I found out that I was applying to be accepted to a class of 30 people, but there were over 5,000 submissions for that class. I realised there was too much competition, and I just wasn't good enough. I stopped drawing.
And then shortly after, all of my artwork and designs that I had in a huge portfolio folder blew away in the wind when I was moving house. I saw it blow away in the rearview mirror and told my friend, who was driving the ute, to stop so I could grab it. But he didn't care, and didn't stop. I can't remember what he said, but he blew it off.
I never draw again after that.
My 7 year old self reminded me of what I'd given up on, so many years ago, and the emotional reaction I had to this on the morning of my wedding was obviously something I needed to release.
In the same way, I'm aware that any anger I have about my mum, and about feminism, is an emotional stage I'm going through as I work towards releasing it all, to find resolution on the other side.
This is going to be an awesome journey.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
My story of why I'm against feminism
I've been writing online about my journey through life for 15 years now. Some of you have been been around for that long, keeping up with my journey, which is awesome. However, it's only recently that I've started writing about the problems I'm seeing with feminism in the world around me, and today I thought I'd write about WHY I've started writing about this.
I grew up as an abused child. My mum got pregnant after having a one night stand with my dad, so he did what he thought was 'the right thing' and they got married. I grew up with a mother who was angry about her life. She was in love with another man, but her pregnancy and marriage to my dad tore her away from the life that she had hoped for, and that left her a bitter, angry woman. She would take out her anger on me, and then on her other children (my two younger brothers) once they came along.
We were punished by her all the time, for almost everything that we did. Anything that irritated her (and you know how irritating children can be) was cause for her to start swinging with her favourite instrument of punishment, a horse strap; and if she was really angry, it didn't matter to her which end she swung. All you could do was retreat into a corner, pull yourself into a ball as best you can, and cover your head to protect it from being hit by the buckle as she started swinging.
Because I was her first child, I was the brunt of her anger. She directly blamed me for her miserable life, because if I wasn't born then her life would be much better than what it was, and she'd be much happier. She would often complain that she wished she killed us kids when we were born, then her life would be better. Even today, she wishes the same thing.
As an adult, I came to understand that she was mentally unbalanced with significant issues, but as a child, this didn't matter. As a child, I was made responsible for everything in her life that she was unhappy with, and she was quick to take her anger out on me for it.
And then there was how she treated her husband, my father.
She never assaulted him like she did her children, but her emotional abuse was a tirade that never stopped. He was the one whose fault it was that she got pregnant and took her away from the life she was hoping for, and instead giving her a life she was miserable with. We got the occasional physical abuse, but he got the constant emotional abuse.
He never once hit her, or even raised his voice to her. He never once had a screaming match with her. He tried to bury himself in his work, and then hobbies once he retired, and just nodded and smiled when she went on with her tirades. He did this for years, until he died in his sleep aged 81.
All through those years as a father and a husband, he tried to do the right thing. It left him miserable. There was a time when I was about 20, when he was sitting with me as I waited for a bus that would take me 4 hours away to my distant home at the time, that he confided in me that as soon as my younger brothers left home he would be leaving as well. He was tired of it all, and he needed to get away from the woman that was his wife, who hadn't been able to resolve her anger. It was the first and only time in my life that he spoke to me as one adult talking to another adult.
But he never did leave.
He was in his 60's when he confided in me he'd be leaving... I can only imagine that it's easier to stay in a situation of unhappiness, at least with the devil you know, than to leave, alone, in a world that's unfamiliar. At least there was familiarity at home, with the angry woman. It was easier than leaving her.
During all those years growing up, I never once saw them kiss. I never saw them hold hands. I never saw them happy to have each other. I never knew what love was, because I never saw it and never felt it.
And so we get to today, when I see feminists and their sympathisers talk about how only women are victims, and only men are abusers. And I see official support services for female victims of domestic abuse, but rarely do I see official support services for male victims of domestic abuse.
In this world, male victims of domestic abuse are treated as if they deserved it - they must have abused their partner first for her to react the way they did. And so even victims who are male are treated as abusers, and the support they need is lacking.
And when I hear these feminist claims that only men are abusers, I feel anger so deep that it's difficult for me to talk about it, to express it, to even acknowledge it. Feminism makes me angry because it it supports my mother and blames my father, and in doing so, it supports her abuse of me, my brothers and my father, because it says only women are victims and only men are abusers.
And that's why I'm against feminism.
I can feel the anger inside of me right now, as I'm writing this - blood pumping faster through my veins as I write, as I feel the years of pain still inside of me.
When people have asked me why I'm so angry, I've tried to intellectualise it, because the anger feels indescribable. I've been afraid to talk about it, to let the lid off the pressure cooker, in fear of what I might say, or even what I might do. I've not even known what to say, or how to say it, because I haven't wanted to express all those years of pent-up anger. (I feel like saying I feel rage, because it feels so strong, and it burns so strongly inside of me. But rage is violent, uncontrollable anger. I can control it, so it can't be rage. Right?)
As the years have gone by, I've seen men around me ask permission from their wives or girlfriends to do what they want to do in their lives. I've seen that feminism's influence on our society has disempowered men so that they're afraid to upset women for fear of the consequences, and I see it getting worse as laws and society itself changes and criminalises men for even just upsetting women.
With feminists influencing society to believe that all women are victims and all men are abusers, I can see that the end result is going to be catastrophic. But also, when I see women try to tell the world that this is a good thing, all I see is women like my mum who want immunity to abuse men and boys while telling those same men and boys that it's all their fault they're being abused.
Feminism says that it exists to bring about equality, and that may have been true in the beginning, but equality can not come from promoting only women as victims and only men as abusers.
Evidence shows that feminism is actually about promoting and engaging in the abuse of men and boys, and it has to stop. It has to. Because it supports women like my mum, and that's something I can never accept as reasonable.
That's why I'm against feminism.
I grew up as an abused child. My mum got pregnant after having a one night stand with my dad, so he did what he thought was 'the right thing' and they got married. I grew up with a mother who was angry about her life. She was in love with another man, but her pregnancy and marriage to my dad tore her away from the life that she had hoped for, and that left her a bitter, angry woman. She would take out her anger on me, and then on her other children (my two younger brothers) once they came along.
We were punished by her all the time, for almost everything that we did. Anything that irritated her (and you know how irritating children can be) was cause for her to start swinging with her favourite instrument of punishment, a horse strap; and if she was really angry, it didn't matter to her which end she swung. All you could do was retreat into a corner, pull yourself into a ball as best you can, and cover your head to protect it from being hit by the buckle as she started swinging.
Because I was her first child, I was the brunt of her anger. She directly blamed me for her miserable life, because if I wasn't born then her life would be much better than what it was, and she'd be much happier. She would often complain that she wished she killed us kids when we were born, then her life would be better. Even today, she wishes the same thing.
As an adult, I came to understand that she was mentally unbalanced with significant issues, but as a child, this didn't matter. As a child, I was made responsible for everything in her life that she was unhappy with, and she was quick to take her anger out on me for it.
And then there was how she treated her husband, my father.
She never assaulted him like she did her children, but her emotional abuse was a tirade that never stopped. He was the one whose fault it was that she got pregnant and took her away from the life she was hoping for, and instead giving her a life she was miserable with. We got the occasional physical abuse, but he got the constant emotional abuse.
He never once hit her, or even raised his voice to her. He never once had a screaming match with her. He tried to bury himself in his work, and then hobbies once he retired, and just nodded and smiled when she went on with her tirades. He did this for years, until he died in his sleep aged 81.
All through those years as a father and a husband, he tried to do the right thing. It left him miserable. There was a time when I was about 20, when he was sitting with me as I waited for a bus that would take me 4 hours away to my distant home at the time, that he confided in me that as soon as my younger brothers left home he would be leaving as well. He was tired of it all, and he needed to get away from the woman that was his wife, who hadn't been able to resolve her anger. It was the first and only time in my life that he spoke to me as one adult talking to another adult.
But he never did leave.
He was in his 60's when he confided in me he'd be leaving... I can only imagine that it's easier to stay in a situation of unhappiness, at least with the devil you know, than to leave, alone, in a world that's unfamiliar. At least there was familiarity at home, with the angry woman. It was easier than leaving her.
During all those years growing up, I never once saw them kiss. I never saw them hold hands. I never saw them happy to have each other. I never knew what love was, because I never saw it and never felt it.
And so we get to today, when I see feminists and their sympathisers talk about how only women are victims, and only men are abusers. And I see official support services for female victims of domestic abuse, but rarely do I see official support services for male victims of domestic abuse.
In this world, male victims of domestic abuse are treated as if they deserved it - they must have abused their partner first for her to react the way they did. And so even victims who are male are treated as abusers, and the support they need is lacking.
And when I hear these feminist claims that only men are abusers, I feel anger so deep that it's difficult for me to talk about it, to express it, to even acknowledge it. Feminism makes me angry because it it supports my mother and blames my father, and in doing so, it supports her abuse of me, my brothers and my father, because it says only women are victims and only men are abusers.
And that's why I'm against feminism.
I can feel the anger inside of me right now, as I'm writing this - blood pumping faster through my veins as I write, as I feel the years of pain still inside of me.
When people have asked me why I'm so angry, I've tried to intellectualise it, because the anger feels indescribable. I've been afraid to talk about it, to let the lid off the pressure cooker, in fear of what I might say, or even what I might do. I've not even known what to say, or how to say it, because I haven't wanted to express all those years of pent-up anger. (I feel like saying I feel rage, because it feels so strong, and it burns so strongly inside of me. But rage is violent, uncontrollable anger. I can control it, so it can't be rage. Right?)
As the years have gone by, I've seen men around me ask permission from their wives or girlfriends to do what they want to do in their lives. I've seen that feminism's influence on our society has disempowered men so that they're afraid to upset women for fear of the consequences, and I see it getting worse as laws and society itself changes and criminalises men for even just upsetting women.
With feminists influencing society to believe that all women are victims and all men are abusers, I can see that the end result is going to be catastrophic. But also, when I see women try to tell the world that this is a good thing, all I see is women like my mum who want immunity to abuse men and boys while telling those same men and boys that it's all their fault they're being abused.
Feminism says that it exists to bring about equality, and that may have been true in the beginning, but equality can not come from promoting only women as victims and only men as abusers.
Evidence shows that feminism is actually about promoting and engaging in the abuse of men and boys, and it has to stop. It has to. Because it supports women like my mum, and that's something I can never accept as reasonable.
That's why I'm against feminism.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Changing my life with 1000 words a day
I was just reading this article over at Medium.com called How writing 1000 words a day changed my life, and it made me wonder if doing the same would change my own life. I can imagine how those changes might be worthwhile.
I tried something similar at the beginning of 2012. I started a new blog called Think Wisely (now gone), and my goal was to write a blog post a day on thinking wisely. I didn't have any minimum word limits, I just had a post a day as my goal. I kept it up for about 4 months before I ran out of steam and couldn't find anything more to write about. But that was relating to just a single topic.
One of the reasons I started this Alans Journey blog was to write about allthe different topics that interested me, instead of just one topic. (You can see the different topics via the menu up the top of the page.) I know a lot of people out there write what they think others want them to write, or what they think would help them make the most money. Some of them can be really good at that, but not me. If I'm not being authentic, or true to myself, then I'm absolutely not comfortable doing it.
I felt like it would be better for me to just write about my thoughts, feelings, opinions, observations and insights about whatever topic interested me at the time. I felt like it would be more comfortable for me.
And I was right. It was more comfortable, and it was more interesting for me. But it wasn't a post a day. It was what I felt like writing about, when I felt like writing. But a thousand words a day, every day? That's pretty huge.
Yes, I'm practicing! This particular post is going to be a thousand words, and will be about writing posts of a thousand words.
Writing a thousand words a day is going to be huge. Huger than huge. That's 30,000 words a month. That could even become a book a month. And you know what? That's exactly one of the reasons I'm interested in doing this exercise.
I've had a goal for a long time to be a writer. I blog, I write, I think about writing all the time, all with the purpose of moving me onwards to my goal of actually making some money from my writing, so that I can give up my 'day job' and focus on my writing job. I can do it, I know I can!
I also know that most of what I write is going to be absolute rubbish. That's just the nature of things. But along the way, there's going to be some absolute gems produced too. And a lot of what I write will inspire more writing, and the gems might inspire some books, and along the way I might even become somewhat popular.
That's important to me, because I won't get any income from this until I become popular enough that enough people will be happy to pay me enough money that I can focus entirely on my writing.
My wife asked me last night, "Think about what you can do that will allow us to live in China." In my mind I could already see that the answer was writing. If I can earn money from my writing, then I can live anywhere in the world.
And the very next day - today - I come upon an article that tells me how my life will change if I write 1,000 words a day. So I got excited, and immediately decided that I needed to take up this challenge that the universe is giving me, to help me change my life.
There's going to be some rambling involved in my writing as I flesh it out. I'm ok with that! It's going to take a while for me to find my 'voice', that part of me that speaks (writes?) clearly and succinctly about the topic I want to discuss, without any rambling, and completely focused. I don't know how long that will take, but I'll get there eventually.
Developing the 1,000 word habit
In the already forementioned article, How writing 1000 words a day changed my life, there's a number of tips on how to develop the habit. You can read the article for more information about the tips, but I wanted to discuss them for myself.
Using Activation Energy
Interestingly, I've often already used part of this tip, where I write something before going to bed, so that when I wake up the next morning I can continue on from where I left off. Having it sitting there on my screen when I sit down at my computer in the morning has been a perfect way of being inspired to continue writing on that topic that interested me the night before.
Dealing with Writer's Block
This was something I ended up struggling with when I was in the end days of writing for Think Wisely. I couldn't think of anything else to write about! His tip of 'write whatever you're thinking and don't stop until you've got 1,000 words' is a very good tip, and will be made even easier with so many topics in this blog to think about.
The willingness to create garbage
Oh, I'm willing! I know that from garbage can come some awesome results. It's about maintaining consistency along the way.
What do you want to read about?
I know this blog and my writing is for me, and I'll be writing about the topics that I'm interested in. But I'm also curious about what YOU are interested in. What kinds of topics would you like to see more of? If you tell me what you'd like to see more of, in line with what I've already written (check the Topics list above), then I can write for both me and you at the same time. Win-win! That's always a good thing.
And now we come to the end of this post, and I've done 1,024 words. Woohoo! This could be easier than I thought...
I tried something similar at the beginning of 2012. I started a new blog called Think Wisely (now gone), and my goal was to write a blog post a day on thinking wisely. I didn't have any minimum word limits, I just had a post a day as my goal. I kept it up for about 4 months before I ran out of steam and couldn't find anything more to write about. But that was relating to just a single topic.
One of the reasons I started this Alans Journey blog was to write about allthe different topics that interested me, instead of just one topic. (You can see the different topics via the menu up the top of the page.) I know a lot of people out there write what they think others want them to write, or what they think would help them make the most money. Some of them can be really good at that, but not me. If I'm not being authentic, or true to myself, then I'm absolutely not comfortable doing it.
I felt like it would be better for me to just write about my thoughts, feelings, opinions, observations and insights about whatever topic interested me at the time. I felt like it would be more comfortable for me.
And I was right. It was more comfortable, and it was more interesting for me. But it wasn't a post a day. It was what I felt like writing about, when I felt like writing. But a thousand words a day, every day? That's pretty huge.
Yes, I'm practicing! This particular post is going to be a thousand words, and will be about writing posts of a thousand words.
Writing a thousand words a day is going to be huge. Huger than huge. That's 30,000 words a month. That could even become a book a month. And you know what? That's exactly one of the reasons I'm interested in doing this exercise.
I've had a goal for a long time to be a writer. I blog, I write, I think about writing all the time, all with the purpose of moving me onwards to my goal of actually making some money from my writing, so that I can give up my 'day job' and focus on my writing job. I can do it, I know I can!
I also know that most of what I write is going to be absolute rubbish. That's just the nature of things. But along the way, there's going to be some absolute gems produced too. And a lot of what I write will inspire more writing, and the gems might inspire some books, and along the way I might even become somewhat popular.
That's important to me, because I won't get any income from this until I become popular enough that enough people will be happy to pay me enough money that I can focus entirely on my writing.
My wife asked me last night, "Think about what you can do that will allow us to live in China." In my mind I could already see that the answer was writing. If I can earn money from my writing, then I can live anywhere in the world.
And the very next day - today - I come upon an article that tells me how my life will change if I write 1,000 words a day. So I got excited, and immediately decided that I needed to take up this challenge that the universe is giving me, to help me change my life.
There's going to be some rambling involved in my writing as I flesh it out. I'm ok with that! It's going to take a while for me to find my 'voice', that part of me that speaks (writes?) clearly and succinctly about the topic I want to discuss, without any rambling, and completely focused. I don't know how long that will take, but I'll get there eventually.
Developing the 1,000 word habit
In the already forementioned article, How writing 1000 words a day changed my life, there's a number of tips on how to develop the habit. You can read the article for more information about the tips, but I wanted to discuss them for myself.
Using Activation Energy
Interestingly, I've often already used part of this tip, where I write something before going to bed, so that when I wake up the next morning I can continue on from where I left off. Having it sitting there on my screen when I sit down at my computer in the morning has been a perfect way of being inspired to continue writing on that topic that interested me the night before.
Dealing with Writer's Block
This was something I ended up struggling with when I was in the end days of writing for Think Wisely. I couldn't think of anything else to write about! His tip of 'write whatever you're thinking and don't stop until you've got 1,000 words' is a very good tip, and will be made even easier with so many topics in this blog to think about.
The willingness to create garbage
Oh, I'm willing! I know that from garbage can come some awesome results. It's about maintaining consistency along the way.
What do you want to read about?
I know this blog and my writing is for me, and I'll be writing about the topics that I'm interested in. But I'm also curious about what YOU are interested in. What kinds of topics would you like to see more of? If you tell me what you'd like to see more of, in line with what I've already written (check the Topics list above), then I can write for both me and you at the same time. Win-win! That's always a good thing.
And now we come to the end of this post, and I've done 1,024 words. Woohoo! This could be easier than I thought...
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Marriage and relationships
It's been over two weeks now since I got married and, strangely enough, I don't feel that different. All that's changed is that I have a wife now instead of a fiancee.
Well... Maybe I feel a bit more relaxed about our relationship.
Since I've had relationships come and go throughout my life, I've always had this feeling that the relationships were 'temporary'. This one - finally - feels like it's permanent.
And honestly, it's a great feeling.
So I guess I do feel different. :)
Weddings seem to be eye-openers about the quality of relationships.
Both Fanfan and I experienced some disappointing reactions from a few people who we considered amongst our closest friends, but we discovered that the quality of our relationship was apparently greater for us, than it was for them.
I invited one of my best friends to be my best man, but he decided he couldn't make it because he was unemployed for a few weeks, a few months before my wedding. His excuses hurt, because 1) I offered to pay for pretty much everything to get him there, but he declined everything for one reason or another, and 2) I've been to two of his three weddings in the past, and his third wedding last year was while I was unemployed too.
I had this expectation that 35 years of close friendship meant that no matter what, you would be at your best mate's wedding. I found that he thought differently.
As a result, I found myself compelled to shut down that friendship. I sent him an email a few days after the wedding and expressed how disappointed I was.
I was also thankful though, because he inadvertently told me how little value he had for me, and I realised our relationship was completely unbalanced. I told him goodbye, and wished him well.
That was two weeks ago, and I haven't heard back from him. Very disappointing.
Getting married has been, for me, about committing to a new life, with a new person as my life partner, and letting go of the old life. I actually feel really good about it.
Well... Maybe I feel a bit more relaxed about our relationship.
Since I've had relationships come and go throughout my life, I've always had this feeling that the relationships were 'temporary'. This one - finally - feels like it's permanent.
And honestly, it's a great feeling.
So I guess I do feel different. :)
Weddings seem to be eye-openers about the quality of relationships.
Both Fanfan and I experienced some disappointing reactions from a few people who we considered amongst our closest friends, but we discovered that the quality of our relationship was apparently greater for us, than it was for them.
I invited one of my best friends to be my best man, but he decided he couldn't make it because he was unemployed for a few weeks, a few months before my wedding. His excuses hurt, because 1) I offered to pay for pretty much everything to get him there, but he declined everything for one reason or another, and 2) I've been to two of his three weddings in the past, and his third wedding last year was while I was unemployed too.
I had this expectation that 35 years of close friendship meant that no matter what, you would be at your best mate's wedding. I found that he thought differently.
As a result, I found myself compelled to shut down that friendship. I sent him an email a few days after the wedding and expressed how disappointed I was.
I was also thankful though, because he inadvertently told me how little value he had for me, and I realised our relationship was completely unbalanced. I told him goodbye, and wished him well.
That was two weeks ago, and I haven't heard back from him. Very disappointing.
Getting married has been, for me, about committing to a new life, with a new person as my life partner, and letting go of the old life. I actually feel really good about it.
Friday, October 25, 2013
I'm getting married in 3 days
On New Year's Eve 2012 I asked Fanfan to marry me, and in just 3 days, on the afternoon of October 28, we'll be getting married. This past 10 months has been quite a ride!
To be honest, I'll be happy when it's over. The amount of stress that has been in our lives has been pretty amazing. But it's not all my stress, it's mostly Fanfan's stress. Although, her stress usually leads to my own stress as a result....
For me, the ideal wedding would have been just the two of us getting married and then going out for dinner afterwards. But I know for 99.999999% of women it's completely different. It's the one day of their lives that must reflect the dream they've held on to for as long as they can remember. The planning of the wedding is an attempt to make the dream become real. But when the reality doesn't meet the dream, stress is the result.
I know I've also been a contributor to her stress, with circumstances that have made it difficult for her to completely have her dream, what with having to deal with bankruptcy, discovering I've got Aspergers, and being out of work - not once, but twice.
The fact she still wants to marry me after these incredibly stressful 10 months is a testament to how much she loves me, and I'm always going to treasure that.
You've got no idea what it's like to have to plan a wedding costing thousands of dollars, while becoming bankrupt, and also losing your job twice and not having any money coming in and having to juggle savings and expenses - not just to pay for life, but for a wedding as well. (Of course, if you do know what it's like, then please contact me - I'd love to hear from you! We can share war stories...)
And on top of all of that, I've continued being the 'rock' that she needs in her life, to help her get through her own stresses throughout these ordeals.
We've been there for each other. It hasn't always been so easy for me, having my own share of stress, anxiety and depression. When I've needed her, she's been there for me. When she's needed me, I've been there for her.
And that's what marriage is all about, right? Two people coming together, to share their lives, to love, cherish and support each other, through thick and thin.
This year has been an important one, preparing us for dealing with the stresses that we're sure to encounter as we move through life together.
But that's also why I'll be happy when the wedding is over. Because then we can actually relax again, stop stressing about one of the most important moments of our lives, and just get on with living and enjoying the other experiences that life has to offer.
How will my future look once I'm married?
I expect it will look a lot like it's looked over the past year and a half.
Our first 6 months together was a little rocky, to put it mildly. We were getting used to each other, understanding our feelings for each other, and about the commitment we were making for each other.
In our hearts, we actually got married early 2012, after we separated for a month and then came back together again. That was when I sorted my shit out and made a commitment to her in my heart and mind. And ever since then, it's just been getting stronger.
How she's handled the stress of this past 10 months has given me an understanding of how she's going to handle the stresses of our future together, and it's assured me that I'm making the right decision. Her love and commitment for me, regardless of the circumstances of our life, have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's absolutely the one for me to marry in this world. Where other women would have run away, taking the easy path, she's stayed true to her feelings of love, and to her own personal commitment to me.
And in 3 days time, we're going to be making that commitment official, in front of our closest families and friends.
I'm surprised I'm not nervous. I'm happy and excited about it. I'm looking forward to it. That also tells me how right this is for me.
It's going to be awesome. :)
To be honest, I'll be happy when it's over. The amount of stress that has been in our lives has been pretty amazing. But it's not all my stress, it's mostly Fanfan's stress. Although, her stress usually leads to my own stress as a result....
For me, the ideal wedding would have been just the two of us getting married and then going out for dinner afterwards. But I know for 99.999999% of women it's completely different. It's the one day of their lives that must reflect the dream they've held on to for as long as they can remember. The planning of the wedding is an attempt to make the dream become real. But when the reality doesn't meet the dream, stress is the result.
I know I've also been a contributor to her stress, with circumstances that have made it difficult for her to completely have her dream, what with having to deal with bankruptcy, discovering I've got Aspergers, and being out of work - not once, but twice.
The fact she still wants to marry me after these incredibly stressful 10 months is a testament to how much she loves me, and I'm always going to treasure that.
You've got no idea what it's like to have to plan a wedding costing thousands of dollars, while becoming bankrupt, and also losing your job twice and not having any money coming in and having to juggle savings and expenses - not just to pay for life, but for a wedding as well. (Of course, if you do know what it's like, then please contact me - I'd love to hear from you! We can share war stories...)
And on top of all of that, I've continued being the 'rock' that she needs in her life, to help her get through her own stresses throughout these ordeals.
We've been there for each other. It hasn't always been so easy for me, having my own share of stress, anxiety and depression. When I've needed her, she's been there for me. When she's needed me, I've been there for her.
And that's what marriage is all about, right? Two people coming together, to share their lives, to love, cherish and support each other, through thick and thin.
This year has been an important one, preparing us for dealing with the stresses that we're sure to encounter as we move through life together.
But that's also why I'll be happy when the wedding is over. Because then we can actually relax again, stop stressing about one of the most important moments of our lives, and just get on with living and enjoying the other experiences that life has to offer.
How will my future look once I'm married?
I expect it will look a lot like it's looked over the past year and a half.
Our first 6 months together was a little rocky, to put it mildly. We were getting used to each other, understanding our feelings for each other, and about the commitment we were making for each other.
In our hearts, we actually got married early 2012, after we separated for a month and then came back together again. That was when I sorted my shit out and made a commitment to her in my heart and mind. And ever since then, it's just been getting stronger.
How she's handled the stress of this past 10 months has given me an understanding of how she's going to handle the stresses of our future together, and it's assured me that I'm making the right decision. Her love and commitment for me, regardless of the circumstances of our life, have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that she's absolutely the one for me to marry in this world. Where other women would have run away, taking the easy path, she's stayed true to her feelings of love, and to her own personal commitment to me.
And in 3 days time, we're going to be making that commitment official, in front of our closest families and friends.
I'm surprised I'm not nervous. I'm happy and excited about it. I'm looking forward to it. That also tells me how right this is for me.
It's going to be awesome. :)
Saturday, October 5, 2013
A week of changes
I'm writing this to you on a brand new operating system - Linux Mint 15 instead of Windows. I no longer use Windows in my life, and have blown away Windows 8.1 on my PC, as well as Windows 7 on my laptop. Now everything is Linux. I love it.
I've been playing around with Linux over the past few months to a year, but always through a virtual operating system (VM) on my Windows PC. This past week I decided to change my life by changing my computer systems and forcing myself to learn something new - Linux Mint, a popular variant of Ubuntu. It's also going to be nice to be able to stay connected with Hyperboria all the time, instead of just when I fire up a VM.
And at the same time I had my contract at work terminated, so I rejoined the ranks of the unemployed. I'm wondering what I'm to learn from that as well.
It came as a bit of a surprise, but now that I'm back home in Canberra, I'm quite looking forward to new opportunities. Losing one job isn't the end of the world, not when there's so many more jobs out there. There'll be a lot of opportunities for more work in Sydney, and I'm sure the next one will be even better.
A friend of mine told me about a gaming company opening a new office in Sydney on the same day I lost my job. I'm going to try and get in touch with them and see if there's any jobs they've got that I might be able to apply for. You never know if you never try. I think it could be fun working for a computer games company. (They're responsible for Skyrim and Elder Scrolls....)
So with a change in computer operating systems and my working / living situation, I'm quite looking forward to seeing what else is coming just around the corner.
I've been playing around with Linux over the past few months to a year, but always through a virtual operating system (VM) on my Windows PC. This past week I decided to change my life by changing my computer systems and forcing myself to learn something new - Linux Mint, a popular variant of Ubuntu. It's also going to be nice to be able to stay connected with Hyperboria all the time, instead of just when I fire up a VM.
And at the same time I had my contract at work terminated, so I rejoined the ranks of the unemployed. I'm wondering what I'm to learn from that as well.
It came as a bit of a surprise, but now that I'm back home in Canberra, I'm quite looking forward to new opportunities. Losing one job isn't the end of the world, not when there's so many more jobs out there. There'll be a lot of opportunities for more work in Sydney, and I'm sure the next one will be even better.
A friend of mine told me about a gaming company opening a new office in Sydney on the same day I lost my job. I'm going to try and get in touch with them and see if there's any jobs they've got that I might be able to apply for. You never know if you never try. I think it could be fun working for a computer games company. (They're responsible for Skyrim and Elder Scrolls....)
So with a change in computer operating systems and my working / living situation, I'm quite looking forward to seeing what else is coming just around the corner.
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