I'm planning a new car

It's only been two years since the last time I got a 'new car', but now I'm checking out the market again. You see, I've got the FJ Cruiser (the yellow beast below) on a 4 year lease, and we're at the 2 year mark now. Gee, has it been 2 years already? Amazing. Seems only like yesterdaysince I first talked about getting it...

Anyway, I'm at the halfway mark with the lease, and things have changed quite a lot in my life. Back when I bought the FJ, I was a single man, and so I bought a 4WD that was suited to who I was back then, and the circumstances of my life. It's been a real blast ever since I got it; it's given me some very wonderful and rewarding experiences. But it was, essentially, my 'starter' 4WD.



So why a new car?

I'm getting married next month, and we're planning on starting a family next year. The FJ is certainly a great vehicle, and I know I'm going to miss it, but I need something more suitable for having a family. The 'suicide doors' aren't suitable for putting a child in the back; they're a pain in the ass for getting in and out of, and any passengers in the back need to have the front doors opened before they can get in or out. For someone like me, this is annoying.

So these are the features that are very important to me as I consider a new car:

• 'real' back doors


• plenty of space in the cargo area


• excellent offroad and onroad capability


• comfortable interior (I do a lot of driving)


• suitable for a family

And here's the really important one:

• it has to be able to get into underground carparks with a roof rack

Do you have any idea how irritating it is to not be able to take advantage of 'normal' car parking because my vehicle is too high to fit into underground carparks? No, you wouldn't have any idea. And neither did I, until after I got the roof rack.

I love the roof rack, and I'll be getting one for the new car (whatever I ultimately get), but my experiences with the FJ and its roof rack have made me realise how much of a pain in the ass it is to not be able to take advantage of convenient parking.

And so we meet the 2014 Jeep Grand Cherokee Overland



What excites me about it is that it's the only 4WD on the market with variable suspension height at the push of a button. At its standard height it has the same ground clearance as the FJ Cruiser. But with the push of a button it can go considerably higher, and it can also go considerably lower. Low enough to get into underground carparks.... Now THAT is exciting!

However, I'm yet to test drive it, so it might be completely different to what I'm expecting. But we'll see. I do find it interesting that the 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee was one of the Top 3 contenders that I was looking at back in 2011, before I settled on the FJ Cruiser, so the 2014 Jeep might win this time around.

There's also the likelihood that I'll be getting my fiancee her own Jeep before I upgrade my FJ.

We were talking about it tonight, and I thought she had a good idea that we upgrade her own car before we upgrade mine, so that hers is more capable of supporting her own changed requirements and be suitable for becoming a mother. She currently has a tiny car that feels like driving a coke can around. She likes the idea of having 'his and her' Jeeps, so what we might be getting for her is a Jeep Compass:



It's not an offroad Jeep like the Grand Cherokee is, but it competes with the Mazda CX-5 in terms of being a reasonable family SUV. It's also slightly cheaper than the Mazda, while looking better. And I think it also has more features and more power.

Again, we'll be test driving it vs. the Mazda and seeing which one would be better for her. Having her in a Jeep first would be fun, while I keep the FJ for another year or so, and then upgrading my own to the more expensive Jeep.

Exciting. I always love working out which new toy I'm going to buy....

If any of you have stumbled on this page because you either already own a Grand Cherokee, or you're looking for information about it, I'd love to have your feedback about it. What are your experiences with it? What do you think of it? Any tips you want to suggest?

The type of woman that likes a beta male

I had to laugh. I checked my stats this morning and found someone had arrived at this blog via this search term:

"type of woman that like beta male"

It tells me so much about the person doing the searching. He's realised he's a beta male, and he's trying to work out what kind of woman actually likes 'his type', probably so he can go look for her.

I'll make it simple. She's a woman who is doing the kinds of things that alpha men aren't. So think about it. Whatever alpha men are doing, that allows them to pick up all those hot chicks - she's not there.

If you want to find her, you need to get out and do more of the things that interest YOU.

You're a beta male. If you want to know the type of woman who's attracted to a guy like you, just look at the kinds of things you're interested in, that you enjoy, that you're passionate about. Those are the kinds of things that the woman who likes a beta male will enjoy too.

But make sure you get outside of your house to go do those things, so that you end up doing them with other people who share the same interests.

You WILL find the woman that likes a beta male, because she'll like YOU. You'll be doing the same things together, and having a great time.

Just don't be afraid to say hi to a woman. That's the single most important thing you can do to change your life. It's amazing what kinds of things can happen just from saying 'hi' and smiling.

You're welcome.

Privacy in the modern world

Privacy is such an interesting thing. The way I see it is if you want privacy you'll need to drop out of society. Your name, location and activities should not be registered anywhere; you should be completely 'off the grid'. If you're on the grid, forget privacy, you have none. They know where you are, what you're doing, and with whom.

The real question is, why should you care? They're not going to care about you - you're just another number in the system. The only time they'll care about you is if suddenly you're doing something suspicious and your name is flagged. And really, the only time you should care is if you're doing something suspicious and don't want anyone to know...

We're heading towards a reality where privacy is a quaint relic of a bygone era. You can embrace the lack of privacy into your life, or you can go crazy with fear and paranoia. Up to you.

I choose to embrace it. I know I'm not doing anything wrong, and so I stopped caring. Life is simpler when you just get on with it, instead of worrying about who's watching.

New adventures

I started my new job in Sydney today, and I must admit I've quite enjoyed the adventure that I'm going through at the moment. Staying in a serviced apartment only 30 minutes from the Sydney CBD by bus, and I catch an express bus which means it's not too busy. And it picks me up outside where I'm staying, and drops me off outside where I work. Can't ask for much more than that!

This entire experience in Sydney is a new adventure. The new job, new place to live, new ways of doing things, new people to meet, new sights to see. I'm eating out every night, while trying to make sure I eat reasonable food so that I can stay healthy while still looking after my weight.

I met a very friendly fella at the restaurant tonight. He's a regular there, he was there last night too (it's a good restaurant, I went back to it tonight), and we got to talking. Very interesting conversations for almost a couple of hours. And then it was time to leave. I was cold, I had thoughts in my head I wanted to explore, and I wanted to do some writing. So here I am.

He recommended I read some poetry by Gerald Manley Hopkins, to get an appreciation of the beauty of his words in describing things. So I will. I might get something of value from it.

It's not often you can connect with people, with strangers, who turn out to enjoy your company and your conversation. Such connections are new adventures in their own right. They lead you along paths that you never thought possible.

I went to that restaurant expecting only dinner, and instead I connected with someone interesting. It was enjoyable and rewarding having them share some of their life with me, and sharing my own with him.

New adventures. I think there's going to be many more here in Sydney.

Understanding my life with Aspergers

I've had a really amazing and enlightening few weeks, reading all about Aspergers Syndrome and the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), and re-evaluating my life with this new understanding of who I am, who I have been, and why. I'm in the process of throwing everything away and starting again.

You see, I've been on a journey to understand more about myself, and along the way I've also tried teaching others what I've learned. I've written posts and articles about these things, from the experience, the understanding, and the point of views I had at the times.

I've been thinking that what I've learned can be the same for everyone. The experiences I've had and how they've shaped my thinking, I thought others could have their thinking shaped the same way. I thought I was 'normal'. But I wasn't.

Having Aspergers Syndrome in my life has forced me over the years to subconsciously modify my behaviour so that I could 'fit in' or find success. It was a process of 'this causes a negative reaction in people, so I need to find a different way of doing it.' And so I've learned to disguise who I really am so that I could be what I thought was better. And along the way, with no knowledge of anything different, I thought that I could teach others how to do the same things I was doing, to find similar successes.

But the way I think and the way I do things is different to most people, so I've come to realise that I need to re-evaluate what I'm writing and how I'm writing about it.

What is 'normal'?

Normal is simply the average of everyone, but 'normal' sets the standard that is supposed to be aspired to or adhered to. Anyone who is not 'normal' is shunned, ridiculed, or made to feel like they're not fitting in or that they're failing. They're rejected before they can have a chance to succeed at something, in their own way. 'Normal' people set the rules that others must follow, or risk being excluded.

Many of the challenges occur in the workplace. Most managers are outgoing, confident and extroverted - that's how they've become managers - and they set the standard or the rules for those that they manage. And so 'expected behaviour' becomes something that is expected of you by these outgoing, confident and extroverted managers. If you're not doing your work the same way they would, or the way they expect it to be done, then in their eyes you're 'not performing to expectations' and you risk losing your job.

Unfortunately, this happens to many people who would be able to do a good job if there were allowances made for how they need to work, but they're fired before they can achieve their success. Apparently 85% of people with Aspergers Syndrome have difficulty getting or keeping a job, mostly because they just don't 'fit in'.

Turning weaknesses into strengths

What I'm learning and discovering about myself is that all these traits I have, which I've disguised or modified over the years, are actually ok. Negative or critical reactions from people over the years had resulted in my embarrassment and led me to changing or disguising my natural traits, but the truth is that I should never have let other people's ignorance affect how I do things in my own life. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Those things which I thought were embarrassing weaknesses can be turned into strengths, simply by understanding them better. They're not weaknesses, they're simply different ways of doing things.

I've been re-evaluating some of the things that I've had problems with in the past, and understanding what I've done to avoid them. But I've realised that I'm not just avoiding some of these problems I have, I'm coping with them in ways that turn them into strengths.

Here's an example. I can't stand up in front of a group of people. Get me talking to one person, or even a few people around a table, and I can be confident and talkative. But if you get me standing up in front of even half a dozen or more people, especially strangers, with all of them looking at me as I'm trying to make some kind of presentation or explanation about something, and I will just refuse to do it. I mentally shut down. I know it's a weakness, so I've learned to do everything I can to avoid it.

However, I realised this past few days that the way I've avoided it is by turning it into a strength. I've used a projector connected to a laptop to project my work onto the wall while I've sat down in front of the laptop. Instead of standing up there with everyone looking at me, they're all looking at the work being projected in front of them instead. I can then talk them through what I'm presenting from my position in front of the laptop, with confidence and with detail, knowing that the focus is on my work - where it should be - instead of on me.

Alternatively, if a presentation is actually needed, I'll work with someone who I know is good with standing up in front of people and presenting something. I'll do the details work for them, which they're usually very bad at, and give it to them to do the presentation.

By working with my weaknesses in ways that turn them into strengths, the quality of my work is understood and appreciated. If I tried to get up there in front of people, I'd stutter, stumble over my words, lose all knowledge about what I'm doing, and completely fail to pass on the information about my work that they need. I would be judged as not knowing what I'm doing or being 'unsuitable' for the position I'm in, all because I try to do it in ways that 'normal' people would.

And many people go through this, where they're forced to do what they're uncomfortable doing, because that's what's demanded of them, and they haven't learned to change things around so that their work can be done in ways that works for them.

So things like that, in the context of recognising I have Apsergers Syndrome, is helping me understand how I work best, and how I need to make sure I continue working in ways that is best for me. It's also about setting expectations appropriately with those that are going to manage you and work with you.

I got a new job

A couple weeks ago I went for a new job in Sydney as a Senior Business Analyst with Westpac (one of Australia's leading banks). I was successful with my interview, and I got the job. I'm starting it tomorrow. But I think I got the job because I was honest about my weaknesses and how I've turned them into strengths in order to get results.

I told the recruiter about challenges I've had in the past, as per above, and how I've turned them into successful outcomes simply by making sure I do the work in ways that work for me, and I pointed out what doesn't work for me but how I've turned them around to achieve successful outcomes.

The interview was almost an hour and a half, and was quite enjoyable. He was interested in the work I've done in the past, the issues I've had, and how I've overcome them. It was almost refreshing for me to decide to be completely honest this way.

Re-evaluating my life

As a result of what I'm going through right now, looking back on my life and who I am, I'm re-evaluating everything I took for granted about what I thought I knew. This is going to lead to a change in what I write about, based on what I learn.

For example, I can see that my passive aggression wasn't the personality disorder I thought it was. It was instead a way of coping with relationships I just didn't know how to deal with properly. It's not a disorder, it's a defensive coping mechanism.

This is going to be an interesting new chapter of my journey through life.

Aspergers and me

Back in October 2012 I learned that I may have Aspergers Syndrome. Various tests I do online put me up at the threshold or over the edge (depending on the test) and into the 'you definitely have it' area. Interestingly, when I talked about it with some of my friends, most of them have said there's no way I have it, because they don't see me doing the things that they would expect someone with Aspergers to be doing.

But they don't know the inner world I live in. They don't know what goes on inside my mind, the initial mental responses I have to situation I find myself in , but which I've learned to disguise with conversations and behaviour that is more 'socially acceptable'.

Some people have told me over the years to act from the heart, but in my heart is a lot of socially irresponsible and unacceptable mannerisms and emotions (self judgements, I know, but which are based on growing up with negative experiences resulting from them). It's been much safer for me to act from my head, because my heart... well, I no longer even know what acting from my heart looks or feels like. I sit and think about it, while knowing that's part of the problem, but I can't act on my heart when I can't imagine it first.

Everything I do is thought about, planned and rehearsed in my mind. And there's a lot of fear about rejection and mistakes and the expression of unwanted emotions that holds me back from doing many of the things that occur in my mind. Most of the time I don't know what's safe or what's not. And sometimes I say or do things which end up turning out to be the wrong thing, but I'm stubborn and I try to own it and make it part of me, when all I want to do is pretend I didn't say or do it at all.

I've spent a great deal of time and effort over the past decade in trying to understand myself more. I've discovered passive aggressive personality tendencies - the darker areas of my psyche - which I've explored and worked on overcoming. I discovered introversion and decided to embrace it as a strength instead of treat it as a weakness. And now I'm looking at what having Aspergers means to me.

Writing this, right now, has taken almost a year. It's not something I've consciously thought about for most of that time, but it's been there, in my mind. Writing this is a first step for me, to acknowledge something else about myself that I've avoided acknowledging in my life - that I didn't even know about - and to now start delving into what it actually means for me, and how I can turn perceived weaknesses into strengths.

As usual, I don't know where this will take me, but I recognise this is just another part of my own internal journey with my life, something else for me to understand about myself as I move forward.

Oh, and rest assured, I'll be seeking professional advice. :) I know that trusting online tests as a conclusive measure is very silly, so please don't start telling me I'm being silly. At best they can act as a guide, and that's exactly what I'll be using them as. I'll probably use this forum (shared also with my personal blog) to provide updates as I learn more.

Also, in closing, I think part of the reason I'm also sharing this here, sharing publicly, is to say hi to other Aspie's out there, and maybe to find out more about life from their perspective, and see how they have learned to deal with things and become more successful in their chosen ventures.

Creating a reality of your own choosing

"Your life today is a result of the choices you've made over the past five years. Your life five years from now will be a result of the choices you make today. Choose wisely."

Quantum physics seems to state that for every choice available to us, an alternate reality comes into existence in an alternate, mirror reality where that choice becomes real and is played out for a brief time before dissipating due to lack of energy. It also seems to state that what we imagine as choices also become realities in their own right.

What we see in our minds becomes real in another reality, but it has a limited 'lifespan' unless we take action to make that choice permanent. Then that alternate reality becomes the reality we choose to enter, the path that splits off that we choose to follow. We've put energy into it, and it becomes permanent as a result.

So when that kind of understanding occurs, that what you see in your mind CAN become real if you take 'action steps' to make it happen, then you have the power to create a reality of your choosing, rather than reside in a reality that simply occurs around you, without your direct input.

You create with your mind a whole bunch of alternate realities on a daily basis, but the actions you take determine the reality you choose to be part of.

As a result, you can control your reality by taking action on those things that will lead you into the reality of your choosing.