I'm writing for me, not you

This time last year I was writing an article a day, and kept it up for 4 months before I let it fade away. But I was writing on one topic, and targeting a specific audience. I couldn't sustain it.

This year, I'm doing it again. I seem to be writing an article a day - or more - and I'm writing on multiple topics, and I'm writing for me.

I'm not targeting a specific audience, I'm just writing what I feel like writing, when I feel like writing it.

Right now I'm in the toilet. Hey, some people read books, I just happen to be writing.

Don't worry, I'll wash my hands.

This feels a lot more comfortable for me. The writing, I mean.

I've got freedom to write what I want, rather than what I think my audience wants.

I'm sure that, over time, I'll get an audience here, interested in some of the topics I'll be writing about. But this time around, it's not my intention to build an audience, but to just write.

I'm enjoying this.

What about you? Is there anything you're doing in your life that's being done for other people rather than for yourself?

You can't choose your family

There's this social requirement that says no matter how bad family members are, you need to remain connected with them.

I call bullshit on that.

What about those family members who are completely toxic to your life? Who do their best to drag you down, demotivate you, destroy your self esteem, crush your identity, abuse you or assault you? Should you remain connected with them?

I think not.

We're always told you can choose your friends and your partners, but you can't choose your family, and that "Some things you can choose, but others you can't, so you have to try to make the best of what you have where you have no choice."

Rubbish. You've always got a choice to disconnect from people that are taking from you without giving back to you, who are completely toxic to your life.

You don't owe them anything, no matter what they try to tell you, so you can't let any feelings of obligation keep you connected with family members that aren't helping you in your life, but are instead demanding you help them.

Let them go. Move on.

I'm in the process of letting go of my family.

My brothers have been on unemployment benefits since they were both 15 years old. They're in their 40's now. The only time they talk to me is when they want to ask for money. Then they're silent until the next time they want some money. The only reason they talk to our mum is to ask her for money.

My mum is racist. She thinks anyone who's not white should be shot with extreme prejudice. She's told me that if I marry an Asian woman that she'll disown me.

You know what? Let me make it easy for you and I'll disown you first.

You've given me nothing but grief throughout my life, with the constant abuse from as early as I can remember. You've engaged in continuous derogatory and hateful comments about your own children for as long as they've been alive. Your determination to tell everyone that will talk to you that you wish you drowned all your kids when they were born, then you wouldn't have had the shitty life that you've had is disgusting. Your attempt to create an illusion of blissful romance between you and dad after he died, when all you did was nag and berate him and wish you never got married in the first place, is evidence of your inability to cope with your own guilt. I can imagine that to him, his dying was a blissful release from being married to you.

I'm over it. I'm over these social obligations that say no matter what, we should stay connected with our families. There's nothing that makes me think remaining connected with my family is a worthwhile obligation for me.

Now that I've had my 'dummy spit', what about you? Do you have any family members that you think you'd be better off disconnecting from, or disowning? Do you think you need to stay connected to people that are bad for you, simply because you're related?

Maybe it's time to change your mind about that.

Are you an introvert?

I'm an introvert. I've been introverted for as long as I can remember, always preferring solitary activities, or activities with select friends or small groups. I never had any interest in attending parties, but often did because I was invited and it was 'the normal thing to do'.

But I hated it, found them boring and a complete waste of time.

After discovering only six years ago that I was an introvert and what that actually meant, I embraced the 'ownership' of it. I decided to be an introvert and be happy with it, rather than try to fit in with extroverted 'social obligations'.

I stopped going to parties filled with people I don't know, and just went to the smaller dinner parties where I knew most people there. I enjoyed time to myself, doing my own things, without feeling guilty about it because extroverts were telling me it wasn't 'normal'.

I also started breaking away from the extroverts in my life, choosing to avoid them instead of hanging around them. At least those who just made me uncomfortable with their judgements about what was and wasn't normal.

We're all people with individual and unique personality types. I don't need to spend time with people who can't accept me for who I am, whatever my personality type might be.

Of course, I'd understand if they thought my psychopathic, sociopathic desires to murder people just wasn't normal, but since I don't talk out loud about those, they've really got nothing to complain about.

I know someone who's an extrovert. One of the recent visits to see her (with my partner coming along as well) ended up making me very, very angry. As a highly judgemental extrovert, she thinks anyone that doesn't want to be with people all the time has something terribly wrong with them. She urged me and my partner to seek medical help so that we could become normal and want to spend time with other people instead of with ourselves.

The look of sadness on her face as she looked at us, shaking her head in disbelief that anyone could possibly not want to be with other people all the time was really infuriating. I had to leave before I said something I might regret.

Many extroverts think that they're normal, and anyone who's not like them is abnormal, ill, deranged, unstable. They encourage counselling or medical assistance to help you get over your introversion and become more normal.

Honestly, I'm over it. Sure, I understand that their judgements make them that way, but I don't need to be around someone that considers me deserving of medical attention so that I can be more like what they prefer me to be. I don't need them in my life at all.

It's a much better activity to spend time with people who appreciate your unique individuality, than to spend it with people who want to change you to be more like what they think is normal.

People who accept you and encourage your individuality without needing to change you are the people you need more of in your life.

Do you have anyone in your life that doesn't accept you for who you are? Do you really need their disapproval for your life to continue?

You're where you are for a reason

Everything that you've done in your past has led you to where you are right now.

All the choices you've made have resulted in the experiences you've had.

As an adult, there's nothing that has happened to you that hasn't ultimately been a result of the choices you've made about where you are, where you're going, or what you decide to do.

When you look at everything that's happened in your life, you can see you have ultimately chosen everything that has happened to you.

This is a very powerful understanding!

You can make choices in your future that will allow you to take complete and absolute control of your life, in every way.

So why don't you start now?

What would you like to do now, that you're hesitant to do? Let's discuss it in the comments below.

Experiment to find what works

I know that I want to write. I've been writing for a long time now. I've experimented with different ways of writing over the years, and to be honest with you, I'm still experimenting. I'm still trying to find what works for me.

The trail of blogs I've left in my wake over the years is evidence of that!

When you're trying to work out what you really want to do, and even how you want to do it, you might have to experiment. You might have to explore different methods and techniques and styles until you find the method or technique or style that works for you.

There are many who are lucky enough to just know what works for them, and they try something the first time and it works for them beyond their wildest dreams! And then there's the rest of us that are still trying to find it.

How will I know when I've found it?

For me, when I get a level of engagement from people who read my words that tells me I'm hitting the mark with them, then I'll know. When people tell me they want more of my writing, I'll know I've found a style that works for me.

If there's something you really want to do, that you're passionate about, then just do it. Keep on doing it. Don't let anyone stop you. Don't even let yourself stop you!

If you want to achieve a level of success with it, you'll just need to keep doing it. Try different ways of doing it, and don't be afraid to change the way you're doing it if you're not getting the results you want from it.

Too many people get stuck with just one way of doing things, and they keep doing that until they get burnt out and they leave it behind. It didn't work, why bother continuing with it?

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

If you want a different result with what you're doing, then do it a different way.

And remember - the only way you'll fail is if you give up and quit.  Keep doing what you enjoy doing, and eventually you'll find the way that gives you the results you're looking for.

Meeting Indigos

There are 26 significant traits that Indigo adults share (Are you an Indigo Adult?), and having most or all of the traits is a pretty significant feat in itself.

Indigos are special, but they just don’t yet understand how. Being psychic and empathic, and aware of other realities around themselves… these are pretty amazing things! But many Indigos find their feelings and perceptions confusing or frightening, and do their best to ignore them. They can often be emotionally unstable not only because of their childhood experiences growing up, but also because they don’t know how to deal with what’s going on inside their mind, living a life of confusion and anxiety because they don’t know how to cope or to adapt.

As I’ve learnt more about being Indigo, and spoken to other Indigos, I’ve learnt that the Indigo traits reflect a general pattern of childhood and adult experiences. As I’ve met and gotten to know some people, I’ve been curious when they’ve expressed feelings, opinions, and past experiences that’s made me wonder if they’re Indigo. So I’ve got them to read the 26 traits and note down which ones they relate to. I’ve not yet been wrong in being able to pick another Indigo from the things they talk about.

The most common attitude amongst the Indigos that I’m meeting is that they feel alone, misunderstood, and angry about all kinds of different things in their past and their present. They’ve had – or have – psychic or spiritual experiences, but don’t know what to make of them. They’re struggling with life, and with trying to cope with a reality they just feel comfortable fitting into. They belong in another reality, but they don’t know what it is yet.

I’ve also come to understand that people either relate to the 26 traits, in which case they’re likely Indigos, or they might relate to only some of them. I’ve found that most people don’t relate to even half of them, but those that relate to more than half usually seem to relate to more than 90%. It’s been amazing.

Not to mention my amazement that I seem to be drawing them out of the woodwork!

There’s something pulling me in a direction that feels like I want to help Indigos embrace their uniqueness, and to embrace their strength and their power. They have a purpose in this life, every single one of them – and I wonder if my purpose as an Indigo is to help them find theirs.

Is Dominance about controlling women?

I think it’s great when I get friends asking me questions, and I go into some detail to answer their question - and what happens? I get a blog post from it!

Question: regarding your ‘Dominant/submission’ interest, why do you feel the need to control women?

Answer: I don’t feel the need to control women. That’s not what ‘dominance’ is about. Instead, I feel the need to just be the dominant partner in a relationship.

Let me take the time to explain the difference between dominance and control. The difference between a dominant man and a controlling man is whether or not he cares about consent. Consent to dominance must be given by the submissive. She must want to be dominated by him as much as he wants her to submit to him.

Control does not require consent, and a controlling partner is likely to be an abusive partner, while a dominant partner is more likely to be a loving partner.

Being the dominant part of a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship carries significant responsibility. If you’re the Dom, your submissive partner is giving themselves to you, and you choose to become responsible for their mental and physical wellbeing within the dynamics of the relationship that you both agree to participate in. Rules and behaviours expected from each member are established through extensive communication, and the responsibility of mutual care is far more important than most ‘vanilla’ (non-BDSM) relationships.

A Dominant (Dom) partner agrees and commits to the responsibility their submissive partner gives to them. They have as much ‘control’ as the sub lets them have, but the sub wants the Dom to push their limits, to be challenged. The dynamics of such D/s relationships are concerned with growth and mutual happiness, but attains this with methods that are usually completely different to ‘vanilla’ relationships.

Even in the so-called ‘vanilla’ relationships, people always practice dominance and submission. Two people having sex can not be on top at the same time. One is on top, one is on the bottom. One is dominating the experience, the other is submitting, and occasionally (or often) they switch places. (These terms are also common within BDSM: tops, bottoms and switches.)

Most vanilla relationships establish some form of dominance/submission pattern within the bedroom, while either engaging in equality outside the bedroom, or even being the opposite of who they are in the bedroom. For example, one partner might be submissive in the bedroom, but is the dominant member of the household (think about who ‘wears the pants’ in your relationship, and they’re the dominant partner). Or they’re submissive to their partner in the bedroom, while being the CEO of a large company.

Dominance and submission is a natural part of life. The BDSM lifestyle takes what many ‘vanilla’ people hide and keep secret, and instead lives it openly. Where most people are embarrassed to say “I’m dominant” or “I’m submissive” because of social taboos about dominance and submission, people in the BDSM lifestyle say “Frack you, I’ll be whatever the hell I want to be!”

What’s really interesting for me is that I’ve always been saying to people they should live their own life, do what they want to do, follow their heart, stop listening to others, and especially stop listening to what society tells them they should do. And yet I’ve been choosing to get involved in vanilla relationships that are what society tells me they should be. My practices have been inconsistent with my teachings.

When people start following their heart, they start moving away from the restrictions of a taboo-based society, and more into the path of what their true nature really is. When they listen to their heart, their authentic life starts to become available to them.

There is freedom in living how you feel is most natural for you, and there is slavery in allowing a society to dictate who you should be, and what you should be doing.

Consider exploring how you can follow your heart. I can guarantee you that it will change your life.