I was reading a post about why you should write daily, and I was thinking about it for my own blog.
Over a year ago I used to write daily articles for another blog I had. I did it every day, without fail, for about 4 months before I started to do them every few days, and then every week, every couple weeks... and eventually I stopped altogether after about the 6-7 months mark.
I stopped because the topic (wisdom in daily life) wasn't getting any better for me. I was losing focus and inspiration on writing new articles for the topic.
I decided to get back into writing in an old style of writing I used to do, which worked well for me, and seems to be working well for me now.
Write what I want to write, based on my interests and passions, when I want to write.
So while writing every day is certainly worthwhile as an exercise, you really need to have an excellent focus and understanding of what you're writing, and why you're writing.
If you don't, you might just find yourself trying to push shit uphill, and I'm sure you can imagine how messy that's likely to get.
But what about you?
Do you already write every day, on a topic that you're passionate about? Do you have any tips of your own about how others can write every day? Maybe you'd like to share your site with me and my other readers? Please link your blog below in a comment.
Or would you like to write every day? What would you write about? Why would you like to write about it?
I'd love your feedback and thoughts in the comments below.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Your life will be what you want it to be
"The world will be what it wants to be."
- Tao
I read that some years ago, and I had an epiphany. This world that we have, it's exactly what people want it to be. If they wanted something different, then they'd make it different.
The lives that people have, it's exactly what they want. If they wanted a different life, then they would make different choices, resulting in different consequences.
The things that we say we want, if we're not doing anything towards those things, then we don't really want them. We're just pretending we do. We might be saying that because we want to feel better about ourselves, by pretending that we have higher goals for ourselves. Or we might be saying it to have others think we're better than what we actually feel. Or we might be saying it because we actually, really, truly want it.
But then, if that was true, why aren't we doing the things that lead us towards what we say we want?
Because we don't actually, really, truly want it.
The world will be what it wants to be. And we will be what we want to be. And what we are is exactly what we want to be. And what we become will be exactly a consequence of what we do.
Think about that for a while.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Evolving beyond
Whenever you evolve or get better at something, or you want to explore a new direction in life, people around you will try to prevent you. They'll give you all manner of reasons and arguments about why you shouldn't be doing whatever it is you're doing. It's because what you're doing disturbs them.They see you doing [whatever it is] and they want to do it too, but it shows to them their own apathy and laziness towards it.
So instead of joining you, they try to prevent you from doing it, so that they can feel better about themselves and their own inaction.
They're not even aware they're doing this. It's completely subconscious. But they do it nevertheless. You've probably seen them doing it in your own life, providing you with resistance to your plans.
Don't listen to them. Don't take to heart the things they say. What they're doing just shows you how fearful they are of your success. Don't let their fear stop you from achieving your objectives.
Leave them behind if necessary. You'll find new people in your life that will always be where you're at.
If your old friends won't join you, make new friends in the new places you'll end up in.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Behind every great man is a great woman
I was reading about one man's exploration into picking up women (Beyond pickup - have your cake and eat it too?) and I was thinking about it in relation to my own experiences and observations over the years.
What I've come up with from my reflections is that if you want to pick up the kinds of women that exist in your fantasies, then you have to become the kind of man that those fantasy women would be attracted to.
Is that really you? Do you want to become a fantasy yourself, or a caricature of yourself, just so you can attract those kinds of women?
Many men do. They think the only way they're going to enjoy having sex with lots of women is to be the kind of man that lots of women will want to have sex with. And they're right.
But at the end of the day, if they're not being themselves, then the entire experience is going to be unfulfilling for them. Sure, they'll have some fun for a while, but in the backs of their minds they'll know that it's all an illusion, all just a fantasy that they're living out.
And the problem with fantasies is that you eventually have to come back to the real world.
In this case, the real world is an unauthentic life. You're living a lie. You're pretending to be someone that you're not, and manipulating women with lies, so that you can get what you want from them. Choosing to live a lie means that you're always having to find new women to move on to, so that the illusion is never threatened by those who start to get close to you, who start to see the flaws in your illusion.
This is part of the reason that 'players' and 'pick up artists' (PUAs) are always finding new women. They don't want a girlfriend, for example, because then the illusion is shattered when the lies become known. Then they have to be responsible for their actions. Much better to stay on the move, never slow down, and never let women know who you really are.
I used to be one of those men that had problems even getting past a first date, let alone having a relationship. Those were terrible times. Eventually I got sick of the bullshit I was experiencing, and I decided to learn 'how to pick up girls'. I browsed the forums, read the articles, bought the books, and spent a great deal of time analysing how I can improve myself to be more attractive to women.
I had some success with it, enjoying meeting new women and the experiences I had with them, but it was from my experiences (rather than the forums and books) that I learned some very valuable lessons about male-female interactions. I learned that if you weren't a 'manly man' (I wasn't) you could still achieve success with hot women if you did a number of things:
One of my most significant discoveries was that if you made an attractive woman think you weren't interested in them, and you put them into the 'friend zone' before they did, that just made them need to prove to you that they were worth your attention. They're very insecure, these woman, and they need validation. If you take it away from them, then they have to do whatever they can to get you to give it to them.
I ventured into the fantasy land, enjoying the experiences it had to offer, but after a couple years of this I decided it wasn't my thing. I didn't enjoy the lies. I didn't enjoy having to be aloof in order to maintain the mystery. I didn't enjoy having to hide the different women from each other, and the complications that brought into my life. It wasn't me.
So I gave it up and started working out how to live with authenticity instead of with lies. I think it's worked out pretty well so far.
When you give up on the fantasy and spend some time working out who you really are, understanding what's important to you and why, then a few things happen. You start to accept who you are, and you realise you don't need to run from yourself any more. You don't need to pretend to be someone else, just so you can feel good about yourself - even though the person you feel good about is an illusion.
When you understand who you are and what you want, then you can start moving forward with an understanding of the kind of woman that you really want to be with, who will complement you, rather than simply be your partner to a fantasy.
Knowing yourself is the key to finding your own perfect woman, the one who will be the authentic partner to your authentic self. She'll accept your weaknesses and complement them with her strengths, and her own weaknesses will be complemented by your own strengths.
There won't be any lies, because you'll get everything you want with each other. You'll struggle at first, but she'll make you feel comfortable to share the things in your past that you've been ashamed of, and they'll be accepted by her as simply who you are, and she'll love you despite them.
It's possible, because I have it. I've been through the fantasies and lies and now I'm with someone who accepts the real me. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. I don't have to tell lies to fool her or others. I've shared my secrets and shames and it's only brought us closer.
It's so refreshing.
Men that are constantly on the move, constantly chasing the next woman, are men who are missing something from their lives, but they're not really sure what it is. They probably don't even see it. It doesn't matter what excuses or even reasons they come up with to justify their actions. At the end of the day, they're searching for something they don't have.
And I believe what they're searching for is a good woman to be their partner in life.
For a man to be great, he needs a great partner providing him with support. For a man to know what is right, he needs someone he can trust to be his sounding board, to tell him when he's being an idiot, and to support him through the times when he needs it. To encourage him to always be his best, not just for her, but for himself, for the things he needs to do in his life.
That's what men are searching for.
Some go all beta and try to please all the women they meet. Some go all alpha and just try to fuck all the women they meet. The reason they do these things lies somewhere in between the two states of being.
Can beta males become alpha males?
Absolutely. But it's because being beta is not giving them what they want or need, and they realise it and are hurt by it. Becoming alpha is a way of covering up the hurt, and of subconsciously striking back at the women that hurt them.
Betas that become alpha are angry. They're running from the state of being that didn't work for them. They go from one side side of the pendulum swing (beta) to the other side (alpha), and they might spend many years there before realising that they need to come back towards the middle to find a balance.
Another of the things I learned is that to women there are four kinds of men.
And it's extremely difficult for a man in any of those categories to be in any of the other categories.
If you're a beta male that's not getting what you want, you have to become more alpha. If you're an alpha male that's getting tired of chasing women, you might have to start becoming a bit more beta if you want to settle down with one. If you're an omega male that's wondering what you're doing wrong - get a job, buy some decent clothes, stop looking at porn, and do some fucking exercise.
When you're tired of it all, here's the secret to getting what you want. It's pretty simple. Be both alpha and beta.
Be the guy that a great woman will want to fuck, but you'll also have to be there for her to make sure she's getting what she needs as well. That requires being emotionally available to her, to make her feel secure, to make the relationship a long one rather than a short one. Have a decent job that can propel you towards what you desire in life, and which will help maintain her own feelings of security that you can provide for her needs.
But make sure that's not why she's with you. It has to be about the support and the sex you're getting from a great woman, it can never be about the money that she thinks she's going to get from you. Dump her ass if that's the case.
If you've found your great woman, never let yourself become complacent, because as soon as you become too beta, as soon as she starts to think you're not satisfying her needs any more, you'll lose her.
If you're not a great man any more, then you'll lose your great woman. She'll go off to find another great man to support instead.
If you get fat, lose interest in the things that you were passionate about, and start to ignore your needs as well as hers, you become the beta male that she won't want to fuck. If you become a bad father and ignore her needs as well as the family's needs, then you won't even be the man she'll want to be married to. You'll be kissing all that goodbye.
You have to be your own man all the time, doing what is important to you, while still being there for her and supporting her to do what's important to her as well.
That way you both get what you need, and as long as you're both winning, you'll be doing great. As soon as one of you starts to lose, everything starts going downhill.
Always look for the win-win in your relationships, and never give up your own needs to satisfy someone else. Be the alpha and the beta and strive for the balance in between.
Good luck.
What I've come up with from my reflections is that if you want to pick up the kinds of women that exist in your fantasies, then you have to become the kind of man that those fantasy women would be attracted to.
Is that really you? Do you want to become a fantasy yourself, or a caricature of yourself, just so you can attract those kinds of women?
Many men do. They think the only way they're going to enjoy having sex with lots of women is to be the kind of man that lots of women will want to have sex with. And they're right.
But at the end of the day, if they're not being themselves, then the entire experience is going to be unfulfilling for them. Sure, they'll have some fun for a while, but in the backs of their minds they'll know that it's all an illusion, all just a fantasy that they're living out.
And the problem with fantasies is that you eventually have to come back to the real world.
In this case, the real world is an unauthentic life. You're living a lie. You're pretending to be someone that you're not, and manipulating women with lies, so that you can get what you want from them. Choosing to live a lie means that you're always having to find new women to move on to, so that the illusion is never threatened by those who start to get close to you, who start to see the flaws in your illusion.
This is part of the reason that 'players' and 'pick up artists' (PUAs) are always finding new women. They don't want a girlfriend, for example, because then the illusion is shattered when the lies become known. Then they have to be responsible for their actions. Much better to stay on the move, never slow down, and never let women know who you really are.
I used to be one of those men that had problems even getting past a first date, let alone having a relationship. Those were terrible times. Eventually I got sick of the bullshit I was experiencing, and I decided to learn 'how to pick up girls'. I browsed the forums, read the articles, bought the books, and spent a great deal of time analysing how I can improve myself to be more attractive to women.
I had some success with it, enjoying meeting new women and the experiences I had with them, but it was from my experiences (rather than the forums and books) that I learned some very valuable lessons about male-female interactions. I learned that if you weren't a 'manly man' (I wasn't) you could still achieve success with hot women if you did a number of things:
- don't try to impress them (stop caring what they might think of you)
- don't get caught up in their dramas (when they drag you into their drama, you lose control)
- make them laugh (if you're an ugly fucker but you make a woman laugh, she's yours)
One of my most significant discoveries was that if you made an attractive woman think you weren't interested in them, and you put them into the 'friend zone' before they did, that just made them need to prove to you that they were worth your attention. They're very insecure, these woman, and they need validation. If you take it away from them, then they have to do whatever they can to get you to give it to them.
I ventured into the fantasy land, enjoying the experiences it had to offer, but after a couple years of this I decided it wasn't my thing. I didn't enjoy the lies. I didn't enjoy having to be aloof in order to maintain the mystery. I didn't enjoy having to hide the different women from each other, and the complications that brought into my life. It wasn't me.
So I gave it up and started working out how to live with authenticity instead of with lies. I think it's worked out pretty well so far.
When you give up on the fantasy and spend some time working out who you really are, understanding what's important to you and why, then a few things happen. You start to accept who you are, and you realise you don't need to run from yourself any more. You don't need to pretend to be someone else, just so you can feel good about yourself - even though the person you feel good about is an illusion.
When you understand who you are and what you want, then you can start moving forward with an understanding of the kind of woman that you really want to be with, who will complement you, rather than simply be your partner to a fantasy.
Knowing yourself is the key to finding your own perfect woman, the one who will be the authentic partner to your authentic self. She'll accept your weaknesses and complement them with her strengths, and her own weaknesses will be complemented by your own strengths.
There won't be any lies, because you'll get everything you want with each other. You'll struggle at first, but she'll make you feel comfortable to share the things in your past that you've been ashamed of, and they'll be accepted by her as simply who you are, and she'll love you despite them.
It's possible, because I have it. I've been through the fantasies and lies and now I'm with someone who accepts the real me. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not. I don't have to tell lies to fool her or others. I've shared my secrets and shames and it's only brought us closer.
It's so refreshing.
Men that are constantly on the move, constantly chasing the next woman, are men who are missing something from their lives, but they're not really sure what it is. They probably don't even see it. It doesn't matter what excuses or even reasons they come up with to justify their actions. At the end of the day, they're searching for something they don't have.
And I believe what they're searching for is a good woman to be their partner in life.
"Behind every great man is a great woman."
For a man to be great, he needs a great partner providing him with support. For a man to know what is right, he needs someone he can trust to be his sounding board, to tell him when he's being an idiot, and to support him through the times when he needs it. To encourage him to always be his best, not just for her, but for himself, for the things he needs to do in his life.
That's what men are searching for.
Some go all beta and try to please all the women they meet. Some go all alpha and just try to fuck all the women they meet. The reason they do these things lies somewhere in between the two states of being.
Can beta males become alpha males?
Absolutely. But it's because being beta is not giving them what they want or need, and they realise it and are hurt by it. Becoming alpha is a way of covering up the hurt, and of subconsciously striking back at the women that hurt them.
Betas that become alpha are angry. They're running from the state of being that didn't work for them. They go from one side side of the pendulum swing (beta) to the other side (alpha), and they might spend many years there before realising that they need to come back towards the middle to find a balance.
Another of the things I learned is that to women there are four kinds of men.
- men that women want to fuck
- men that women want to marry
- men that women want to be friends with
- men that women don't want to know
And it's extremely difficult for a man in any of those categories to be in any of the other categories.
- You might be an alpha male that she wants to fuck, but she won't want to marry you 'cause you just want to fuck every woman you see. Which is perfectly fine by you. :)
- You might be a beta male that she wants to marry because you have lots of money and you'll be a good father to her kids - she'll only fuck you to get her kids, but then she'll be fucking the alphas behind your back.
- You might be a beta male that she'll only be friends with for your emotional support - she won't want to fuck you and she certainly won't want you to be the father of her kids, either because you don't have enough money or you're just not alpha enough for her to want to fuck.
- And then you might be the omega male that she doesn't want to fuck, marry or have anything to do with. "Get away from me, you creep!"
If you're a beta male that's not getting what you want, you have to become more alpha. If you're an alpha male that's getting tired of chasing women, you might have to start becoming a bit more beta if you want to settle down with one. If you're an omega male that's wondering what you're doing wrong - get a job, buy some decent clothes, stop looking at porn, and do some fucking exercise.
When you're tired of it all, here's the secret to getting what you want. It's pretty simple. Be both alpha and beta.
Be the guy that a great woman will want to fuck, but you'll also have to be there for her to make sure she's getting what she needs as well. That requires being emotionally available to her, to make her feel secure, to make the relationship a long one rather than a short one. Have a decent job that can propel you towards what you desire in life, and which will help maintain her own feelings of security that you can provide for her needs.
But make sure that's not why she's with you. It has to be about the support and the sex you're getting from a great woman, it can never be about the money that she thinks she's going to get from you. Dump her ass if that's the case.
If you've found your great woman, never let yourself become complacent, because as soon as you become too beta, as soon as she starts to think you're not satisfying her needs any more, you'll lose her.
If you're not a great man any more, then you'll lose your great woman. She'll go off to find another great man to support instead.
If you get fat, lose interest in the things that you were passionate about, and start to ignore your needs as well as hers, you become the beta male that she won't want to fuck. If you become a bad father and ignore her needs as well as the family's needs, then you won't even be the man she'll want to be married to. You'll be kissing all that goodbye.
You have to be your own man all the time, doing what is important to you, while still being there for her and supporting her to do what's important to her as well.
That way you both get what you need, and as long as you're both winning, you'll be doing great. As soon as one of you starts to lose, everything starts going downhill.
Always look for the win-win in your relationships, and never give up your own needs to satisfy someone else. Be the alpha and the beta and strive for the balance in between.
Good luck.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
What's your personality type?
I'm curious about what your personality type is, in accordance with the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality profiles. I'm wondering what personality types are visiting this blog and reading what I write. Who are you? That's what I'm curious about.
If you're curious too, then fill out this quiz so that you can see what your type is, and let me know in the comments below.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
I'm an INTP
My own type is INTP. It means I'm Introverted, iNtuitive, Thoughtful and Perceptive. I'm going to copy the most interesting parts of its description and talk about it.
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My career is currently as a Business Analyst, so that's appropriate. I seem to have stumbled into a job I'm very good at. I'm also known to completely ignore the people around me, and the world in general, when I'm completely focused on something that requires me to think. Which is pretty much most everything I do.
I'm usually very relaxed and easy-going, but if you want to know what principles of mine I think are being violated, you only need to read the things I rant about. (Which reminds me. I should write a blog post about my principles, at some point...)
One of the things I've noticed on many occasions is that when I'm arguing in favour of something I believe or have a strong opinion about, I'm often seeking more information from my opposition. I ask questions about their own thoughts and take onboard what they say as extra 'data' for my analysis. If their data doesn't mesh well with what I currently have, then I'm likely to ignore or reject it, but if it provides clarification or insight on data I already have, then I'm likely to allow it to modify my position if it makes sense to do so.
But getting to that point can often be quite challenging for whoever is my opposition at the time. :)
This is very true. I love playing with and creating new systems. In my career, my life, and even the games I end up playing have often seen me creating systems for other people to experience things more easily.
When I'm tired or just concentrating on something, I'm often detached and distant in ways that other people have been annoyed with. They think it's personal that I'm ignoring them, but it's not just them - it's everything that ceases to exist while I focus on something. I exist inside my mind, and everything outside of it disappears to me.
Your turn. What's your personality type? How do you feel about what you've learned of yourself? Do you think it's mostly accurate, or did you answer the questions wrong? :)
If you're curious too, then fill out this quiz so that you can see what your type is, and let me know in the comments below.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
I'm an INTP
My own type is INTP. It means I'm Introverted, iNtuitive, Thoughtful and Perceptive. I'm going to copy the most interesting parts of its description and talk about it.
INTPs are pensive, analytical folks. They may venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them.
<
My career is currently as a Business Analyst, so that's appropriate. I seem to have stumbled into a job I'm very good at. I'm also known to completely ignore the people around me, and the world in general, when I'm completely focused on something that requires me to think. Which is pretty much most everything I do.
INTPs are relatively easy-going and amenable to almost anything until their principles are violated, about which they may become outspoken and inflexible
I'm usually very relaxed and easy-going, but if you want to know what principles of mine I think are being violated, you only need to read the things I rant about. (Which reminds me. I should write a blog post about my principles, at some point...)
[Their] open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition.
One of the things I've noticed on many occasions is that when I'm arguing in favour of something I believe or have a strong opinion about, I'm often seeking more information from my opposition. I ask questions about their own thoughts and take onboard what they say as extra 'data' for my analysis. If their data doesn't mesh well with what I currently have, then I'm likely to ignore or reject it, but if it provides clarification or insight on data I already have, then I'm likely to allow it to modify my position if it makes sense to do so.
But getting to that point can often be quite challenging for whoever is my opposition at the time. :)
Mathematics is a system where many INTPs love to play, similarly languages, computer systems--potentially any complex system. INTPs thrive on systems. Understanding, exploring, mastering, and manipulating systems can overtake the INTP's conscious thought.
This is very true. I love playing with and creating new systems. In my career, my life, and even the games I end up playing have often seen me creating systems for other people to experience things more easily.
In seasons of low energy level, or moments of single-minded concentration, the INTP is aloof and detached in a way that might even offend more relational or extraverted individuals.
When I'm tired or just concentrating on something, I'm often detached and distant in ways that other people have been annoyed with. They think it's personal that I'm ignoring them, but it's not just them - it's everything that ceases to exist while I focus on something. I exist inside my mind, and everything outside of it disappears to me.
Your turn. What's your personality type? How do you feel about what you've learned of yourself? Do you think it's mostly accurate, or did you answer the questions wrong? :)
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Live YOUR life
“Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life…
But why would I want to do a thing like that?”
- Trainspotting
People go through life pretending they’re doing things for themselves, but really, we all know that people do things because it’s what they THINK they should be doing.
They do things because society, family, friends, or work expects it of them. They dress a certain way to fit in with their friends or workplace standards. They go out to places because it’s where their friends like to go. They get involved with people that their friends and/or family would like them to be involved with.
Acceptance is very important to people, and the only way to be accepted by a group is to be like that group.
Even the so-called ‘rebels” are fitting in with a group of other rebels. They dress the same way, they do the same things, and they discuss the same subjects.
The only times people are actually doing something for themselves is when no one else is involved. But even then, under some circumstances, they might be doing it so that they can talk about it to others and allow them to be accepted for it.
People do things because it’s what they think is expected of them. They feel completely uncomfortable doing something that no one else is doing, because of how others might think of them. Every time someone has the option of doing something new and different, a very strong thought is, "How will others react to this? Will I still be accepted by them?"
A very big influence on people’s lives is how they were raised by their parents. Even though they may disagree with some of the values and ‘rules’ of their parents, continuing to be accepted by one’s parents is still a very strong influence. ‘Mother wouldn't approve’, or ‘my father told me never to do that…’ These and many more such things continue controlling how people live their lives.
The programming of your past does not need to determine how you live your life today.
Our parents programmed us to be as they wanted us to be, which was usually a reflection of themselves. They didn't take into account that their children could have their own unique individuality, and it’s often as people become teenagers and begin to explore who they really are, that conflict between themselves and their parents occur.
“I brought you into this world, I can take you out.” - Bill Cosby
Parents generally believe their children to be their ‘creation’, so to speak. They raised their children to be a particular way, and while they ‘program’ them to be that way, they are also programming themselves to always be the programmer. When their children start to exert their own individuality, conflict often occurs because the parents are generally unable to accept that their ‘creation’ is becoming something separate to themselves. A certain element of control and ownership is being taken away from them.
Those children who continue to grow up by avoiding conflict, and generally following the wishes of their parents, are the ones who live the lives their parents want them to live. They are unable to live their own life.
Society itself is probably the biggest influence on people’s lives as they grow up and become adults. They are the ‘victims’ of manipulation and pressure to conform.
Society and the media work together in convincing people that they must be like everyone else in order to fit in and be accepted. This is good for society in general, and for those who control it, but it isn't exactly good for the individual who THINKS they are living their own life.
“The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.” - Morpheus, The Matrix
The Matrix movie is an excellent story about the control that society has over individuals. People believe that they need to conform to the expectations of society, family, friends, etc, in order to be accepted and continue living their lives.
As Morpheus said in the quote above, people who are part of the system will fight to protect it. And anyone who is not part of the system is their enemy.
Don’t we see this in our world today? Individually and globally, people who are not part of accepted society - or of groups within society - are perceived as a threat. "People who live their lives according to different rules are a threat because those rules aren't OUR rules." They are therefore an enigma.
Anyone who prefers to live life according to their own rules is to be shunned, deemed an outcast, a weirdo, a loner or even a loser.
I have a simple philosophy – “If it feels right, and if it feels good, and it’s not physically harming anyone or has the potential of physically harming anyone, then do it.”
Live your life for yourself, respecting yourself and others along the way. Do what feels right for you. Don’t live your life according to what you believe others expect of you, whoever they might be. Live YOUR life.
“I know you’re out there. I can feel you now. I know that you’re afraid… afraid of us. You’re afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell how it’s going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then show these people what you don’t want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.” - Neo, The Matrix
Friday, April 19, 2013
The free market of sexuality
What is this 'free market of sexuality', I can hear you asking? Simply, it's the reality out there that most people don't want to acknowledge, especially if they believe that they're not highly desired in the market. But they're aware of it, they just pretend it's not there because they don't want to be hurt by it.
What's a free market? In the normal world it's where goods and services are coordinated by supply and demand, without external regulations or controls by governments or monopolies.
When the 'free market' is applied to sexuality, you can see that those with 'the best goods and services' are in high demand and available to only those who can afford it.
Social pressure encouraging exclusive relationships and marriages are 'regulations and controls' to restrict the free market of sexuality, and is maintained by those who have something to lose from the free market.
But there are a lot of affairs that occur, where one or the other partner in a relationship or marriage end up end up engaging in sex with someone else outside of the relationship.
This is because there's something missing from the relationship that they're able to get outside of the relationship.
The free market of sexuality can not be controlled.
I was inspired to write this post by something I read:
If we value freedom, how can we reconcile that with the bondage implicit in exclusive relationships and marriage? How can we desire freedom when we suppress that in the very people we love?
I'm getting married this year. But I'm not doing it because I'm buying into the idea that I'm suddenly owned by my partner, and I have to give up everything I've ever held dear. Nope, that's not me.
I'll be managing my marriage in a way that continues to ensure my freedom, because giving up freedom is something I can't do.
I understand the free market of sexuality completely. I've engaged in it many times over the years. I've been the man that quite a number of women have had affairs with behind their husband's backs.
These experiences helped me learn that no one owns anyone, and that your position in a relationship is determined not by sitting back and relaxing, but doing your best to make sure that you maintain your value to your partner.
For example, you stop looking after yourself and let yourself get fat, then your value decreases dramatically to your partner. Your expectations about them being 'bonded' to you by marriage or exclusivity have no bearing on reality.
The reality is that if you're not doing your best to 'maintain demand', then your 'services' will lose their value and your 'client' will look for someone else that will better suit their needs.
This is the nature of things, but it's the nature that many don't want to consider. Especially those that know they have little or no value. They don't want to consider that their partner will be looking for someone else to provide what they're no longer getting at home. Demand has dropped, and the supply dries up.
If you want to maintain your relationship or your marriage, you need to understand these things about human behaviour. You need to understand that if you're not doing your best to look after the supply of your goods and services to your partner, then they're going to start looking for someone else to supply them.
Even attempts to 'own' your partner fail, because the pain of bondage is often far more painful than the pain of breaking those ties and seeking freedom.
You need to allow your partner to be free in the relationship, and you need to make sure that you are the best that you can be, and that you're providing a rewarding and fulfilling experience at home, in the relationship.
This is true for both men and women.
If you're not doing everything you can to be the best you can be, why would your partner stay with you? Why would they not look for someone else that can meet their needs better?
They do. The number of affairs proves that.
If you do what you can to maintain the supply for your partner's demands, and you are BOTH doing this for each other, then THAT is when your relationship will be rewarding and fulfilling for both of you, and there will simply be no need for either of you to look elsewhere.
If your needs are being met at home, there's simply no reason for you to look elsewhere.
Most people forget this. They want to create feelings of obligation in others so that they don't have to do anything themselves. They're selfish and needy, and they know it. But they try to use 'controls and regulations' to restrict their partner's freedoms to ensure they continue to receive benefit from it.
You can probably tell I completely reject this, and always will.
Me getting married will never play into this way of things. I understand that if I'm not being the best I can be, then my partner deserves to move on and find someone else. If I'm not fulfilling her needs, then she's with the wrong man.
And she knows the same is true for her. I've made it clear that if she's not fulfilling my needs, I'll be looking elsewhere.
We both have to be on the ball. We both have responsibilities to ourselves and to each other, and we should never forget that. When we get lazy and irresponsible, we're not deserving of someone else's 'bondage' to us, and that's when things need to change or end.
What about you? If you're in a committed relationship or marriage, are you doing everything you can to be the best you can be? Are you creating enough demand for what your partner needs, so that he or she doesn't need to look elsewhere for them?
That's the secret to a successful relationship. Anything else is bullshit.
What's a free market? In the normal world it's where goods and services are coordinated by supply and demand, without external regulations or controls by governments or monopolies.
When the 'free market' is applied to sexuality, you can see that those with 'the best goods and services' are in high demand and available to only those who can afford it.
Social pressure encouraging exclusive relationships and marriages are 'regulations and controls' to restrict the free market of sexuality, and is maintained by those who have something to lose from the free market.
But there are a lot of affairs that occur, where one or the other partner in a relationship or marriage end up end up engaging in sex with someone else outside of the relationship.
This is because there's something missing from the relationship that they're able to get outside of the relationship.
The free market of sexuality can not be controlled.
I was inspired to write this post by something I read:
It’s funny how a lot of the same people who wish for a return to a more patriarchal “ownership of women” type society where marriage is for life etc., also claim libertarian leanings in their political views and profess their love of the free market. Does anybody see the conflict here? I see a few hands going up in the back row… good, good. If you think that free competition is the way to solve society’s problems and provide the highest standard of living and the best products and services to everybody, then why should that not apply to sexual products and services just like it’s supposed to apply to everything else? I mean, in economic terms, if I’m providing a better service to a girl than you are and she chooses to shop in my pants instead of yours, then your trying to claim that she’s “your” girl and enforce a monopoly through violence or legal restrictions is just wrong – it’s oppression, fascism, communism, anti-Americanism… you hate freedom! Reconcile that with your self-professed libertarianism.
If we value freedom, how can we reconcile that with the bondage implicit in exclusive relationships and marriage? How can we desire freedom when we suppress that in the very people we love?
"I love you. Now I take away your freedom and enslave you to my needs."
I'm getting married this year. But I'm not doing it because I'm buying into the idea that I'm suddenly owned by my partner, and I have to give up everything I've ever held dear. Nope, that's not me.
I'll be managing my marriage in a way that continues to ensure my freedom, because giving up freedom is something I can't do.
I understand the free market of sexuality completely. I've engaged in it many times over the years. I've been the man that quite a number of women have had affairs with behind their husband's backs.
These experiences helped me learn that no one owns anyone, and that your position in a relationship is determined not by sitting back and relaxing, but doing your best to make sure that you maintain your value to your partner.
For example, you stop looking after yourself and let yourself get fat, then your value decreases dramatically to your partner. Your expectations about them being 'bonded' to you by marriage or exclusivity have no bearing on reality.
The reality is that if you're not doing your best to 'maintain demand', then your 'services' will lose their value and your 'client' will look for someone else that will better suit their needs.
This is the nature of things, but it's the nature that many don't want to consider. Especially those that know they have little or no value. They don't want to consider that their partner will be looking for someone else to provide what they're no longer getting at home. Demand has dropped, and the supply dries up.
If you want to maintain your relationship or your marriage, you need to understand these things about human behaviour. You need to understand that if you're not doing your best to look after the supply of your goods and services to your partner, then they're going to start looking for someone else to supply them.
Even attempts to 'own' your partner fail, because the pain of bondage is often far more painful than the pain of breaking those ties and seeking freedom.
You need to allow your partner to be free in the relationship, and you need to make sure that you are the best that you can be, and that you're providing a rewarding and fulfilling experience at home, in the relationship.
This is true for both men and women.
If you're not doing everything you can to be the best you can be, why would your partner stay with you? Why would they not look for someone else that can meet their needs better?
They do. The number of affairs proves that.
If you do what you can to maintain the supply for your partner's demands, and you are BOTH doing this for each other, then THAT is when your relationship will be rewarding and fulfilling for both of you, and there will simply be no need for either of you to look elsewhere.
If your needs are being met at home, there's simply no reason for you to look elsewhere.
Most people forget this. They want to create feelings of obligation in others so that they don't have to do anything themselves. They're selfish and needy, and they know it. But they try to use 'controls and regulations' to restrict their partner's freedoms to ensure they continue to receive benefit from it.
You can probably tell I completely reject this, and always will.
Me getting married will never play into this way of things. I understand that if I'm not being the best I can be, then my partner deserves to move on and find someone else. If I'm not fulfilling her needs, then she's with the wrong man.
And she knows the same is true for her. I've made it clear that if she's not fulfilling my needs, I'll be looking elsewhere.
We both have to be on the ball. We both have responsibilities to ourselves and to each other, and we should never forget that. When we get lazy and irresponsible, we're not deserving of someone else's 'bondage' to us, and that's when things need to change or end.
What about you? If you're in a committed relationship or marriage, are you doing everything you can to be the best you can be? Are you creating enough demand for what your partner needs, so that he or she doesn't need to look elsewhere for them?
That's the secret to a successful relationship. Anything else is bullshit.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
An interview with a Hyperboria user
I've been active lately over in Hyperboria, getting assistance with technical issues, as well as getting to know some of the people there. I also have a blog that's accessible only within Hyperboria. I published an interview there today with one of the residents of Hyperboria, and I decided to re-publish it here as well. I hope you enjoy it .
One of the things I intend including in this blog is interviews with people who are actively engaged in the things that I’m interested in. I want to do this so I can learn something from them, as well as share their journey with my readers. Today I’m interviewing ‘jph’ of Hyperboria.
Hi ‘jph’, thanks very much for agreeing to this interview. I’m quite new to Project Meshnet and Hyperboria, but I’m involved because I’m fascinated with new technology and wanted to play with it. I’m also excited about it because I see a lot of future opportunities as more services are created for it and it becomes more popular. I’m exploring it because I want to take advantage of some of those opportunities.
But I’m curious – why are you involved?
It’s interesting and it’s there. It’s also really early days, and the idea of a blank slate network makes me think that Hyperboria today must be similar in some respects to the early days of ARPAnet and the Internet – where it was primarily a research platform amongst a small group of very clever people.
How long have you been involved in Project Meshnet, and what was it that inspired you to become part of it? What do you love about being part of it?
I’m a newbie amongst the ranks of those on Hyperboria. I had heard about the various meshnet / darknet / etc efforts that spawned post-SOPA, and finally at the beginning of the year decided to check it out. I think the key differentiator for me is that Hyperboria and the technology that powers it, cjdns, isn’t another TOR or I2P network. It hasn’t been tarnished as a haven for drug purchases and child pornography (see silkroad and freenet). The principles that guide (cjdns) development include promoting the free flow of information and using cryptography to prevent censorship. In the technology space, too often we see it used to enable censorship and reduce freedoms, cjdns is one of the few technologies doing the opposite. For that reason, we should support its development.
How would you describe Meshnet and Hyperboria in your own words to the uninitiated?
Hyperboria is a network similar to the Internet but separate from it. It is an opportunity to rebuild a new type of Internet with new ideas and approaches. Unlike TOR (for those familiar with it), Hyperboria isn’t a way to anonymize your access to the Internet. It is an Internet of it’s own. It has mail servers, blogs, websites, chat and game servers. It has membership from most continents around the globe. It’s also tiny compared to the Internet, and there are high technical barriers to adoption for the average user.
“Meshnet” is a confusing, overlapping topic which means different things to different people. One of the more common definitions is the idea of an alternate Internet, comprised of a (mesh) network of interconnected wifi access points.
Temporary aside: A mesh is distinct from typical Internet services, where there are dedicated, centralized network routers connecting ISPs to each other. Instead, mesh networks are decentralised and often have a P2P-like approach towards connectivity. This enables them to survive even if a “router” goes offline. A goal of mesh networks is to reduce the risk of a central router causing the network to go offline.
A core goal with these mesh networks is to be able to provide an Internet-like service, even if the Internet is switched off or filtered (ie SOPA). The challenge (from my perspective) with meshnets is they are difficult to scale beyond local communities without relying on the Internet. The other challenge is that even if you have a community hooked up to a “meshnet”, what then? They still need popular Internet services such as email and social networking. These services would still need to be built and maintained per community. These aren’t fatal obstacles, but ones that need to be overcome to enable wider adoption.
Some of my readers are probably wondering why Project Meshnet and Hyperboria exist, and why they would be interested in it. What are its benefits? What would you say to them?
Assuming continued growth, Hyperboria and Hyperboria-like networks will provide a competing option to the Internet, much like Bitcoin is proving to be a competing option against mainstream currencies. If you’re entrepreneur-minded, then you might consider Hyperboria to have a bit of a wild-west, gold rush feel about it. As the users on the network grow, they require services that they are used to from the Internet. For instance, there’s nothing like Ebay or Amazon or Craiglist on Hyperboria. There’s nothing stopping someone from being the first in this space.
Even if you’re not a hardcore technical person, there’s still advantages to learning the technology you need to use to get onto Hyperboria. Learning Linux frees you from paying Microsoft it’s regular dues. Learning networking arms you with key knowledge in our highly-networked world. You can also socialize with smart members of the young Hyperborian community and learn something new.
But let me be blunt. Hyperboria is a test network. It is difficult for the average person to get onto. Once on, there isn’t a lot to see. There is opportunity for technically-minded early adopters, but if that isn’t you, check back in 2-3 years. I say this not to be rude, but to set expectations appropriately.
The methods of entry to Hyperboria are highly technical. Do you think that will ever change in the near future to allow an average ‘real world’ internet user to access it, or do you think its very nature is going to be exclusive to most people?
I believe we’ll see significant change in this space if the vision of ‘CJD’ (the author of cjdns) pans out. Another difference between TOR and the (future) version of cjdns is that it isn’t a charity. The cjdns software will have built-in technology that allows users running a service to be paid to pass traffic using microtransactions. This will stimulate adoption significantly. In turn, we will see greater motivation for someone to come along and build user-friendly software for Windows to access Hyperboria. Right now that person doesn’t exist. It could be someone reading this now.
Where do you see Hyperboria in 12 months from now? In five years? In ten years? What are your thoughts about how it’s going to develop?
I think it’s critical timing right now, but even that doesn’t really matter. Hyperboria is an experiment to test the scalability and concepts behind cjdns. If it fails, I’m sure CJD and the other developers will learn their lessons and try something new. Of course, the original Internet was an experiment too…
In terms of critical timing, for Hyperboria to continue to grow, it has to continue to gain more users, and in turn more services (ie, a Hyperboria Craiglist, Amazon, Gmail). Without a growth in Hyperboria services, there’s little reason for users to stick around. In my view that means the type of people the network needs most right now are builders, those willing to invest time and effort into services for future users. That way, when someone new arrives, there’s something for them to do.
Another driver for the network, in my opinion, is “Hype-only” content. This means that instead of providing something “also on Hype”, we provide something “only on Hype”. This will increase the “stickiness” of Hype, as well as exclusivity.
I think the potential of Hyperboria in five years could be similar to the growth we’ve seen in Bitcoin. There’s been no change in world governments’ desire to stifle free speech and content sharing on the Internet, driven publicly by the desire to prevent terrorism and child pornography, and privately by lobbyist groups and government surveillance desires. The Internet will (most likely) continue to get more restricted and locked down, providing an opportunity for networks like Hyperboria to provide an attractive, alternative experience.
If Hyperboria does attain any measure of success, it will then face two challenges – one from without, and one from within. It’ll likely attract the typical early adopters – drug dealers and less desirable social groups (ie hate groups) who have been pushed off the Internet. This will be a red flag for governments to try and outlaw it.
If Hyperboria manages to hold against government efforts, the next challenge is self-policing. If you believe that a hate group is routing network traffic over your server, you won’t be able to filter it (based on the cjdns design), so would you still want to be part of the experiment? Hyperboria also allows easy IP spoofing. If someone is sending malicious traffic from one address and you block it, they can generate a new one in moments.
We will face significant challenges managing such activity until pay-per-packet (the future vision of cjdns) is implemented. Pay-per-packet would increase the cost of malicious activity, since it would have to be paid for to be delivered (much like paying for a stamp to get your letter delivered).
What do you think is the single most fascinating or amazing thing about Hyperboria, compared to the real world internet? Why is it so unique?
It’s a blank canvas compared to the Internet today. It’s an opportunity for the Hyperborian community to re-imagine what an “Internet” of the next 10-20 years should look like.
‘jph’, thank you for your time to do this interview, it’s really appreciated.
If any of you have any questions you’d like to ask me or ‘jph’ about, or if you have any thoughts or feedback about this interview, please add them to the comments below.
One of the things I intend including in this blog is interviews with people who are actively engaged in the things that I’m interested in. I want to do this so I can learn something from them, as well as share their journey with my readers. Today I’m interviewing ‘jph’ of Hyperboria.
Hi ‘jph’, thanks very much for agreeing to this interview. I’m quite new to Project Meshnet and Hyperboria, but I’m involved because I’m fascinated with new technology and wanted to play with it. I’m also excited about it because I see a lot of future opportunities as more services are created for it and it becomes more popular. I’m exploring it because I want to take advantage of some of those opportunities.
But I’m curious – why are you involved?
It’s interesting and it’s there. It’s also really early days, and the idea of a blank slate network makes me think that Hyperboria today must be similar in some respects to the early days of ARPAnet and the Internet – where it was primarily a research platform amongst a small group of very clever people.
How long have you been involved in Project Meshnet, and what was it that inspired you to become part of it? What do you love about being part of it?
I’m a newbie amongst the ranks of those on Hyperboria. I had heard about the various meshnet / darknet / etc efforts that spawned post-SOPA, and finally at the beginning of the year decided to check it out. I think the key differentiator for me is that Hyperboria and the technology that powers it, cjdns, isn’t another TOR or I2P network. It hasn’t been tarnished as a haven for drug purchases and child pornography (see silkroad and freenet). The principles that guide (cjdns) development include promoting the free flow of information and using cryptography to prevent censorship. In the technology space, too often we see it used to enable censorship and reduce freedoms, cjdns is one of the few technologies doing the opposite. For that reason, we should support its development.
How would you describe Meshnet and Hyperboria in your own words to the uninitiated?
Hyperboria is a network similar to the Internet but separate from it. It is an opportunity to rebuild a new type of Internet with new ideas and approaches. Unlike TOR (for those familiar with it), Hyperboria isn’t a way to anonymize your access to the Internet. It is an Internet of it’s own. It has mail servers, blogs, websites, chat and game servers. It has membership from most continents around the globe. It’s also tiny compared to the Internet, and there are high technical barriers to adoption for the average user.
“Meshnet” is a confusing, overlapping topic which means different things to different people. One of the more common definitions is the idea of an alternate Internet, comprised of a (mesh) network of interconnected wifi access points.
Temporary aside: A mesh is distinct from typical Internet services, where there are dedicated, centralized network routers connecting ISPs to each other. Instead, mesh networks are decentralised and often have a P2P-like approach towards connectivity. This enables them to survive even if a “router” goes offline. A goal of mesh networks is to reduce the risk of a central router causing the network to go offline.
A core goal with these mesh networks is to be able to provide an Internet-like service, even if the Internet is switched off or filtered (ie SOPA). The challenge (from my perspective) with meshnets is they are difficult to scale beyond local communities without relying on the Internet. The other challenge is that even if you have a community hooked up to a “meshnet”, what then? They still need popular Internet services such as email and social networking. These services would still need to be built and maintained per community. These aren’t fatal obstacles, but ones that need to be overcome to enable wider adoption.
Some of my readers are probably wondering why Project Meshnet and Hyperboria exist, and why they would be interested in it. What are its benefits? What would you say to them?
Assuming continued growth, Hyperboria and Hyperboria-like networks will provide a competing option to the Internet, much like Bitcoin is proving to be a competing option against mainstream currencies. If you’re entrepreneur-minded, then you might consider Hyperboria to have a bit of a wild-west, gold rush feel about it. As the users on the network grow, they require services that they are used to from the Internet. For instance, there’s nothing like Ebay or Amazon or Craiglist on Hyperboria. There’s nothing stopping someone from being the first in this space.
Even if you’re not a hardcore technical person, there’s still advantages to learning the technology you need to use to get onto Hyperboria. Learning Linux frees you from paying Microsoft it’s regular dues. Learning networking arms you with key knowledge in our highly-networked world. You can also socialize with smart members of the young Hyperborian community and learn something new.
But let me be blunt. Hyperboria is a test network. It is difficult for the average person to get onto. Once on, there isn’t a lot to see. There is opportunity for technically-minded early adopters, but if that isn’t you, check back in 2-3 years. I say this not to be rude, but to set expectations appropriately.
The methods of entry to Hyperboria are highly technical. Do you think that will ever change in the near future to allow an average ‘real world’ internet user to access it, or do you think its very nature is going to be exclusive to most people?
I believe we’ll see significant change in this space if the vision of ‘CJD’ (the author of cjdns) pans out. Another difference between TOR and the (future) version of cjdns is that it isn’t a charity. The cjdns software will have built-in technology that allows users running a service to be paid to pass traffic using microtransactions. This will stimulate adoption significantly. In turn, we will see greater motivation for someone to come along and build user-friendly software for Windows to access Hyperboria. Right now that person doesn’t exist. It could be someone reading this now.
Where do you see Hyperboria in 12 months from now? In five years? In ten years? What are your thoughts about how it’s going to develop?
I think it’s critical timing right now, but even that doesn’t really matter. Hyperboria is an experiment to test the scalability and concepts behind cjdns. If it fails, I’m sure CJD and the other developers will learn their lessons and try something new. Of course, the original Internet was an experiment too…
In terms of critical timing, for Hyperboria to continue to grow, it has to continue to gain more users, and in turn more services (ie, a Hyperboria Craiglist, Amazon, Gmail). Without a growth in Hyperboria services, there’s little reason for users to stick around. In my view that means the type of people the network needs most right now are builders, those willing to invest time and effort into services for future users. That way, when someone new arrives, there’s something for them to do.
Another driver for the network, in my opinion, is “Hype-only” content. This means that instead of providing something “also on Hype”, we provide something “only on Hype”. This will increase the “stickiness” of Hype, as well as exclusivity.
I think the potential of Hyperboria in five years could be similar to the growth we’ve seen in Bitcoin. There’s been no change in world governments’ desire to stifle free speech and content sharing on the Internet, driven publicly by the desire to prevent terrorism and child pornography, and privately by lobbyist groups and government surveillance desires. The Internet will (most likely) continue to get more restricted and locked down, providing an opportunity for networks like Hyperboria to provide an attractive, alternative experience.
If Hyperboria does attain any measure of success, it will then face two challenges – one from without, and one from within. It’ll likely attract the typical early adopters – drug dealers and less desirable social groups (ie hate groups) who have been pushed off the Internet. This will be a red flag for governments to try and outlaw it.
If Hyperboria manages to hold against government efforts, the next challenge is self-policing. If you believe that a hate group is routing network traffic over your server, you won’t be able to filter it (based on the cjdns design), so would you still want to be part of the experiment? Hyperboria also allows easy IP spoofing. If someone is sending malicious traffic from one address and you block it, they can generate a new one in moments.
We will face significant challenges managing such activity until pay-per-packet (the future vision of cjdns) is implemented. Pay-per-packet would increase the cost of malicious activity, since it would have to be paid for to be delivered (much like paying for a stamp to get your letter delivered).
What do you think is the single most fascinating or amazing thing about Hyperboria, compared to the real world internet? Why is it so unique?
It’s a blank canvas compared to the Internet today. It’s an opportunity for the Hyperborian community to re-imagine what an “Internet” of the next 10-20 years should look like.
‘jph’, thank you for your time to do this interview, it’s really appreciated.
If any of you have any questions you’d like to ask me or ‘jph’ about, or if you have any thoughts or feedback about this interview, please add them to the comments below.
Friday, April 12, 2013
How to improve and simplify your life
Over the years I've heard about the 80/20 rule, which is also known as Pareto's Law, named after Vilfredo Pareto who invented it. It's based on his mathematical formula he created to demonstrate the distribution of wealth in society - that 80% of the wealth was created and owned by 20% of the population.
What made it popular was that it can also be applied to many other areas of life, for example:
And so on and so on.
When you look at this law working in your life, you can see where things can be simplified.
Look at your work. See how 20% of your time and effort creates 80% of your results. What are you doing with the other 80% of your time and effort, that only creates 20% of your results?
It's basically wasted time and effort. If you eliminate what you do in the other 80% of your time, and focus on that 20% that creates 80% of your results, then you can maximise those results by spending a bit more time and effort on what works and letting go of what's not working.
Think of how much time and effort you can save, while creating better results for yourself!
You can apply this in all areas of your life by asking yourself two very simple questions and analysing your life accordingly.
Using Pareto's Law you can see that out of all of your problems and stress, 20% of the sources are creating 80% of the stress. Work out what that 20% is and resolve them, and you can eliminate 80% of your stress from your life.
If 80% of your desired outcomes and happiness is being generated by 20% of your activities, then focus your attention on that 20% and eliminate time spent on the other 80% that's only delivering 20% of the results you want.
By eliminating what's not working, and focusing on what is, you maximise the results that you want.
I'm interested in minimising the 'stuff' that I have in my life, so that there's less stuff around to clutter up my life. I can already see how this can work in my life.
The end result is a LOT less stuff to worry about.
Can you thnk of other areas of your life where you can you apply Pareto's Rule to simply and improve it? Or maybe you have some scenarios where you think it wouldn't work? Please share in the comments below.
What made it popular was that it can also be applied to many other areas of life, for example:
- 20% of causes creates 80% of consequences
- 20% of effort creates 80% of the results
- 20% of customers creates 80% of the company profits
And so on and so on.
When you look at this law working in your life, you can see where things can be simplified.
Look at your work. See how 20% of your time and effort creates 80% of your results. What are you doing with the other 80% of your time and effort, that only creates 20% of your results?
It's basically wasted time and effort. If you eliminate what you do in the other 80% of your time, and focus on that 20% that creates 80% of your results, then you can maximise those results by spending a bit more time and effort on what works and letting go of what's not working.
Think of how much time and effort you can save, while creating better results for yourself!
You can apply this in all areas of your life by asking yourself two very simple questions and analysing your life accordingly.
- Which 20% of sources are creating 80% of my problems and stress?
- Which 20% of sources are creating 80% of my desired outcomes and happiness?
Using Pareto's Law you can see that out of all of your problems and stress, 20% of the sources are creating 80% of the stress. Work out what that 20% is and resolve them, and you can eliminate 80% of your stress from your life.
If 80% of your desired outcomes and happiness is being generated by 20% of your activities, then focus your attention on that 20% and eliminate time spent on the other 80% that's only delivering 20% of the results you want.
By eliminating what's not working, and focusing on what is, you maximise the results that you want.
I'm interested in minimising the 'stuff' that I have in my life, so that there's less stuff around to clutter up my life. I can already see how this can work in my life.
- 20% of my clothing is used 80% of the time. I can eliminate 80% of my clothing with little impact on my life.
- 20% of my kitchen goods are used 80% of the time. I can eliminate 80% of my kitchen goods with little impact on my life.
The end result is a LOT less stuff to worry about.
Can you thnk of other areas of your life where you can you apply Pareto's Rule to simply and improve it? Or maybe you have some scenarios where you think it wouldn't work? Please share in the comments below.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Passive aggression and masculinity
Over the recent years I've discovered that I've become something of an 'expert' on passive aggression. After having experienced it for most of my life, realised it, understood it, and overcome it, I have a unique perspective on what it is, how it affects your life, and how you can change it.
Everyone has passive aggressive traits in them, some more than others. However, when those traits become your predominant behaviour pattern, it becomes a 'personality disorder'. Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder (PAPD) is something I've had most of my life, and I certainly know the effects of it, but in the past few years I've been able to eliminate most of it.
Healing passive aggression
All the books I've read about it say that healing PAPD is rare, if not impossible, because denying that you are responsible for breakups in relationships and social connections is one of the prominent traits. If you believe you're not responsible for the situations going on around you and in your life, then you also believe there's nothing you need to do for yourself. You're not the one with the problem, so there's nothing you need to heal. And so the behaviour and screwed up life continues.
When I realised I had PAPD and I read about how sufferers rarely heal because they don't believe they're responsible, I immediately saw all the times in my life when I blamed everyone else but myself for all the things that went wrong. And I knew that if I wanted to heal from this disorder, then I needed to start taking responsibility.
With many decades of programmed behaviour resulting in my attitudes and behaviors at that time, I knew that changing it would not happen overnight. But I also knew that if I did want to change it, I had to do something radical.
So I decided to accept responsibility for everything that went wrong, even if I 'knew' that I wasn't responsible. If the problem revolved around an inability to take responsibility, then surely finding a solution to this problem revolved around taking responsibility for everything.
It was my logical mind thinking, but it also worked.
Over a few years, taking responsibility and apologising for every emotional breakdown in my relationships helped me to manage those relationships more successfully, as well as understand exactly what I was doing to cause those breakdowns.
Overcoming passive aggression
Once I knew what I was doing that contributed to emotional breakdowns in my relationships, I could begin changing my behaviour so that the consequences were different.
Instead of engaging in behaviour designed to sabotage or upset my partners because I was inwardly angry but unable to express it, I engaged in behaviour that would take responsibility for my actions and my future, without needing to sabotage or upset my partners with passive aggression. I prevented passive aggressive behaviour occurring by choosing actions that made me responsible, instead of actions that tried to make someone else responsible.
It turned out to be quite amazing how things changed for me. Not only was I able to change the quality of my relationships by engaging in more responsible and loving behaviour, but I was also able to change the quality of my career because of how much extra responsibility I was willing to accept.
As a result, I've been able to improve my life quite considerably, by accepting responsibility for my behaviour and for the effects I have on other people. I've been able to heal my disorder so that it's no longer a disorder.
Sure, I still have my episodes of passive aggression, just like everyone does, but when I realise it's inappropriate, I apologise for it and work on changing it.
Developing better relationships
I also quickly learned at the beginning of my healing process that I was choosing the wrong women to partner with. I was choosing women that were the very opposite of the kind of woman I actually matched with. The results of being with these women caused anger and resentment in me because I was trying to make something work with someone that I should never have been with in the first place, and ended up sabotaging it instead.
Don't get me wrong. I really did need to be with them in a holistic way of thinking. It's because of them that I was able to understand my personal issues and grow from them, so I'm thankful and grateful for what they brought into my life and my personal growth.
Healing my behavioural issues also helped me understand what kind of woman I really needed to be with, that I would match with, and that was an important understanding for my own peace of mind and happiness.
Some people don't need to make it so difficult to understand, and they just choose the pleasure. But nooo, I had to be different. I had to go through decades of pain in order to understand I really wanted and needed someone that would bring me lots of pleasure.
Maybe I'm a masochist or something, I don't know. But I do know I'm very much happier now than I ever used to be.
Passive aggression and powerlessness
Passive aggression is a result of feeling powerless with the circumstances of your life, but not feeling able to safely express your feelings about it. Those with PAPD have grown up as a child, often punished for the expression of their feelings, and they've been powerless to prevent it.
That feeling of powerlessness continues on into adulthood, but it becomes a familiar pattern, a familiar way of life. So when they go out and date others, they're subconsciously attracted to potential partners that they feel would allow them to continue the same old familiar patterns. And so passive aggressive behaviour is often a continual part of their relationships with partners that they feel powerless to express themselves with.
For men, it's usually their mother who punished them as a child for expressing 'undesired' emotions like anger. If something made them angry and they expressed it, they were punished for it, so they learnt that anger was best expressed in subtle, passive ways.
It's because they had no power to take control, and this powerlessness becomes a pervasive belief that creates a life where they continue to have no control.
As these men grow up, the familiar pattern that gives them comfort is to be with women that are similar to their mother, who will emotionally punish them for the same behaviour that their mother did. They will continue to feel powerless in their relationships, and continue to engage in passive aggressive behaviour as a result.
Many women who are with passive aggressive men often find themselves to be similar to the man's mother. It's not a coincidence.
This is also applicable with careers. Any passive aggressive man will resent authority, being told what to do, being expected to be a particular way, and if they don't conform, they're punished for it. So he goes through his working life angry and resentful, sabotaging his own work as well as the expectations of his employers, but in ways that he can deny responsibility.
He's a liability to himself and to anyone that he works for.
Passive aggression and masculinity
For myself, growing up with PAPD, I had my own personal issues with understanding masculinity. I doubted my own masculinity because I felt powerless to take control.
The energy of the masculine is 'active', while the energy of the feminine is 'passive'.
If you're being active in any way - whether you're a man or a woman, it doesn't matter - then you're engaging in a masculine trait. Building, creating, changing, destroying or competing - these are all masculine traits.
If you're being passive in any way, then you're engaging in a feminine trait. Maintaining things, tending or nurturing, being caring and compassionate, avoiding change, even being resentful of masculine expectations - these are all feminine traits.
Being passive aggressive is being feminine.
The masculine thing to do is to take control, to know what you want and to go for it, and to accept responsibility for the consequences of your actions.
So passive aggressive men are being very feminine by avoiding and even resenting masculine responsibilities and expectations. It's a confusing state for them to be in! I should know, I lived it.
One of the things that has become clear to me recently is that overcoming passive aggression is a pathway towards becoming masculine. But when you've had so many years of avoiding masculinity, it can create some confusion about what masculinity actually is.
Understanding and teaching what it means to be a man
The journey to overcoming passive aggression for men is also the journey to understand and become more masculine. In this world where passive aggressive men resent the controls and expectations placed upon them by demanding women and authority figures, finding comfort in their masculine skin feels like an incredibly difficult thing to do.
It's also my own journey, and one which I feel I'm achieving in my own way.
Because of my own healing of severe passive aggression, and my own journey towards understanding what it means to be a man, I feel a strong calling to help other passive aggressive men through the same journey.
It's not enough to heal passive aggression. It also has to be approached with understanding what it means to be a man, because 'real men' aren't 'whiny bitches' engaging in passive aggressive behaviour.
I'll be exploring and writing about this a lot more as I move through this journey, learning for myself and teaching others what I've learned.
If you feel you can relate to anything in this post, please leave a comment below and share it with me.
Everyone has passive aggressive traits in them, some more than others. However, when those traits become your predominant behaviour pattern, it becomes a 'personality disorder'. Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder (PAPD) is something I've had most of my life, and I certainly know the effects of it, but in the past few years I've been able to eliminate most of it.
Healing passive aggression
All the books I've read about it say that healing PAPD is rare, if not impossible, because denying that you are responsible for breakups in relationships and social connections is one of the prominent traits. If you believe you're not responsible for the situations going on around you and in your life, then you also believe there's nothing you need to do for yourself. You're not the one with the problem, so there's nothing you need to heal. And so the behaviour and screwed up life continues.
When I realised I had PAPD and I read about how sufferers rarely heal because they don't believe they're responsible, I immediately saw all the times in my life when I blamed everyone else but myself for all the things that went wrong. And I knew that if I wanted to heal from this disorder, then I needed to start taking responsibility.
With many decades of programmed behaviour resulting in my attitudes and behaviors at that time, I knew that changing it would not happen overnight. But I also knew that if I did want to change it, I had to do something radical.
So I decided to accept responsibility for everything that went wrong, even if I 'knew' that I wasn't responsible. If the problem revolved around an inability to take responsibility, then surely finding a solution to this problem revolved around taking responsibility for everything.
It was my logical mind thinking, but it also worked.
Over a few years, taking responsibility and apologising for every emotional breakdown in my relationships helped me to manage those relationships more successfully, as well as understand exactly what I was doing to cause those breakdowns.
Overcoming passive aggression
Once I knew what I was doing that contributed to emotional breakdowns in my relationships, I could begin changing my behaviour so that the consequences were different.
Instead of engaging in behaviour designed to sabotage or upset my partners because I was inwardly angry but unable to express it, I engaged in behaviour that would take responsibility for my actions and my future, without needing to sabotage or upset my partners with passive aggression. I prevented passive aggressive behaviour occurring by choosing actions that made me responsible, instead of actions that tried to make someone else responsible.
It turned out to be quite amazing how things changed for me. Not only was I able to change the quality of my relationships by engaging in more responsible and loving behaviour, but I was also able to change the quality of my career because of how much extra responsibility I was willing to accept.
As a result, I've been able to improve my life quite considerably, by accepting responsibility for my behaviour and for the effects I have on other people. I've been able to heal my disorder so that it's no longer a disorder.
Sure, I still have my episodes of passive aggression, just like everyone does, but when I realise it's inappropriate, I apologise for it and work on changing it.
Developing better relationships
I also quickly learned at the beginning of my healing process that I was choosing the wrong women to partner with. I was choosing women that were the very opposite of the kind of woman I actually matched with. The results of being with these women caused anger and resentment in me because I was trying to make something work with someone that I should never have been with in the first place, and ended up sabotaging it instead.
Don't get me wrong. I really did need to be with them in a holistic way of thinking. It's because of them that I was able to understand my personal issues and grow from them, so I'm thankful and grateful for what they brought into my life and my personal growth.
Healing my behavioural issues also helped me understand what kind of woman I really needed to be with, that I would match with, and that was an important understanding for my own peace of mind and happiness.
It's only from seeing and understanding what brings us pain that we can understand and explore what will bring us pleasure.
Some people don't need to make it so difficult to understand, and they just choose the pleasure. But nooo, I had to be different. I had to go through decades of pain in order to understand I really wanted and needed someone that would bring me lots of pleasure.
Maybe I'm a masochist or something, I don't know. But I do know I'm very much happier now than I ever used to be.
Passive aggression and powerlessness
Passive aggression is a result of feeling powerless with the circumstances of your life, but not feeling able to safely express your feelings about it. Those with PAPD have grown up as a child, often punished for the expression of their feelings, and they've been powerless to prevent it.
That feeling of powerlessness continues on into adulthood, but it becomes a familiar pattern, a familiar way of life. So when they go out and date others, they're subconsciously attracted to potential partners that they feel would allow them to continue the same old familiar patterns. And so passive aggressive behaviour is often a continual part of their relationships with partners that they feel powerless to express themselves with.
For men, it's usually their mother who punished them as a child for expressing 'undesired' emotions like anger. If something made them angry and they expressed it, they were punished for it, so they learnt that anger was best expressed in subtle, passive ways.
It's because they had no power to take control, and this powerlessness becomes a pervasive belief that creates a life where they continue to have no control.
As these men grow up, the familiar pattern that gives them comfort is to be with women that are similar to their mother, who will emotionally punish them for the same behaviour that their mother did. They will continue to feel powerless in their relationships, and continue to engage in passive aggressive behaviour as a result.
Many women who are with passive aggressive men often find themselves to be similar to the man's mother. It's not a coincidence.
This is also applicable with careers. Any passive aggressive man will resent authority, being told what to do, being expected to be a particular way, and if they don't conform, they're punished for it. So he goes through his working life angry and resentful, sabotaging his own work as well as the expectations of his employers, but in ways that he can deny responsibility.
He's a liability to himself and to anyone that he works for.
Passive aggression and masculinity
For myself, growing up with PAPD, I had my own personal issues with understanding masculinity. I doubted my own masculinity because I felt powerless to take control.
The energy of the masculine is 'active', while the energy of the feminine is 'passive'.
If you're being active in any way - whether you're a man or a woman, it doesn't matter - then you're engaging in a masculine trait. Building, creating, changing, destroying or competing - these are all masculine traits.
If you're being passive in any way, then you're engaging in a feminine trait. Maintaining things, tending or nurturing, being caring and compassionate, avoiding change, even being resentful of masculine expectations - these are all feminine traits.
Being passive aggressive is being feminine.
The masculine thing to do is to take control, to know what you want and to go for it, and to accept responsibility for the consequences of your actions.
So passive aggressive men are being very feminine by avoiding and even resenting masculine responsibilities and expectations. It's a confusing state for them to be in! I should know, I lived it.
One of the things that has become clear to me recently is that overcoming passive aggression is a pathway towards becoming masculine. But when you've had so many years of avoiding masculinity, it can create some confusion about what masculinity actually is.
Understanding and teaching what it means to be a man
The journey to overcoming passive aggression for men is also the journey to understand and become more masculine. In this world where passive aggressive men resent the controls and expectations placed upon them by demanding women and authority figures, finding comfort in their masculine skin feels like an incredibly difficult thing to do.
It's also my own journey, and one which I feel I'm achieving in my own way.
Because of my own healing of severe passive aggression, and my own journey towards understanding what it means to be a man, I feel a strong calling to help other passive aggressive men through the same journey.
It's not enough to heal passive aggression. It also has to be approached with understanding what it means to be a man, because 'real men' aren't 'whiny bitches' engaging in passive aggressive behaviour.
I'll be exploring and writing about this a lot more as I move through this journey, learning for myself and teaching others what I've learned.
If you feel you can relate to anything in this post, please leave a comment below and share it with me.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
How you can predict your future
Being spiritual is about being connected to the energy of the universe, and when you have this connection, you can 'see' the past and future. This is how many spiritualists can see the future. I used to be able to see the future too.
In my own journey through spirituality I was able to see people's past and future, but my experiences taught me that the future is never set in stone, that what's real for us today may change tomorrow when new information comes to us or new events occur.
Because the future can change, things that I saw happening to people in the future would either happen the same way I saw them, or a bit different to how I saw them, or not happen at all.
I experienced enough to learn that this connection with the universe is real, and that you can gain a great deal of insight from it. I also learned that our future is a multitude of possibilities, but if we can SEE it in our mind, then it's a future that's possible to us. If we hold on to that vision in our minds, then we can move forward while taking advantage of opportunities that bring us closer to that vision.
And before you know it, the future that you once imagined has become your present day reality.
When 'The Secret' and the 'Law of Attraction' (LOA) became popular from 2006 onwards, I saw that it was popularising ancient spiritual understandings.
If you see something in your mind, and you make it happen in your life, then not only have you 'attracted' the life and experiences you really want, but you've also accurately predicted your future.
Fascinating, don't you think?
In my own journey through spirituality I was able to see people's past and future, but my experiences taught me that the future is never set in stone, that what's real for us today may change tomorrow when new information comes to us or new events occur.
Because the future can change, things that I saw happening to people in the future would either happen the same way I saw them, or a bit different to how I saw them, or not happen at all.
I experienced enough to learn that this connection with the universe is real, and that you can gain a great deal of insight from it. I also learned that our future is a multitude of possibilities, but if we can SEE it in our mind, then it's a future that's possible to us. If we hold on to that vision in our minds, then we can move forward while taking advantage of opportunities that bring us closer to that vision.
And before you know it, the future that you once imagined has become your present day reality.
When 'The Secret' and the 'Law of Attraction' (LOA) became popular from 2006 onwards, I saw that it was popularising ancient spiritual understandings.
If you see something in your mind, and you make it happen in your life, then not only have you 'attracted' the life and experiences you really want, but you've also accurately predicted your future.
Fascinating, don't you think?
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Are you ashamed to be a man?
How often have you pretended to ignore the beauty of a woman because you're afraid that you'll be 'caught out'? How often have you avoided telling a woman that you like something about her femininity (if she has any, that is) because you're afraid you'll be labelled as sexist? How often are you made to feel that it's a crime to be a man?
If you're like most men, the answer is probably A LOT.
This is what society tells you, of course. It tells you that being a man is a shameful thing, full of indignities against women.
I knew a man that used to be punched in the arm by his wife if he so much as glanced at another woman. So he wore sunglasses all the time so that she couldn't see where his eyes were going.
I knew a man that begged his girlfriend to let him go out for a few drinks with his friends, but she refused to give him permission so he went home with his tail between his legs instead.
I knew a man that wouldn't dream of doing anything without his wife's permission, but he also wouldn't dream of getting her to do the same.
I knew a man that was afraid to talk to women because he had been angrily rejected a few times for trying to strike up a conversation with them.
I knew a man that thought it was wrong to admire a beautiful woman, because he didn't want anyone to think he was treating women like objects.
I could go on and on. It's ridiculous.
This is what western society is today, where a man has to pretend he's not attracted to women in order to be considered acceptable, or that he has to ask permission of women in order to do what he wants to do.
Men have become servants to women.
Is that what you, as a man, are happy with?
Most are. They trade their masculinity and their individuality for what they think is their one chance in life to have sex. These 'beta males' (95% of men) worship the vagina, afraid that once they get it they won't get it again, and in exchange they give up everything that makes them a man.
Men are confused. They think that in order to get sex - every man's primary goal in life - they must do what women tell them to do. They have been brainwashed by radical feminist influences on society over the years to think that in order for men to be accepted members of society, they have to bow down to the great pussy Goddess and do what they're told.
They don't want the embarrassment of being labelled sexist or misogynist just for being attracted to women. They don't want the drama of arguments whenever they want to do something that is uniquely theirs, like a hobby or going out with their friends.
And so they've become ashamed to be men. They've given up the struggle to be themselves. They've become ashamed of their own inner feelings that draw them to being attracted to the feminine in women.
And since most women in the western world are becoming angry fat women (which is a feminist rejection of femininity that's acted out over the past few decades), men think that's the best they can get. And so they cater to these fat women, which only empowers the continuation of women getting fatter.
To be feminine is bad, women think - based on feminist propaganda over the past 20-30 years. Therefore, to be non-feminine is good. Masculine women are good, and so are fat women. You can see it in society wherever you look. They cry out in horror when advertising promotes feminine slim women. "It's an abomination!" They cry out. Fat is good, slim is bad. Masculine women are good, masculine men are bad.
Everything that encourages the masculine in men is to be exorcised from society.
As a result, men have been taught to think being masculine is bad. Desiring slim, feminine women is bad, and a man should be punished for his attraction to such women.
I say to these fat, angry feminists everywhere - fuck you.
Men - you really don't have to put up with the shit that you're putting up with. It's ok to be attracted to sexy, feminine women.
There's something else that you should know about.
Many of these sexy, feminine women are wondering where all the good men are, because they're just not being approached any more. Why? Because men think it's a crime to be attracted to such women, so they stay away to avoid being judged harshly by fat feminists.
More men need to stand up and say, "You know what? Fuck this. I deserve better than this bullshit. I'm not going to be ashamed for my feelings as a man, as a unique biological creature, any more. Fuck all of you that want me to be ashamed of who I really am. I no longer need your bullshit in my life."
If we get more men standing up and doing exactly that, we'll have a significant change in society. When fat, bitchy women with demands of entitlement no longer get what they want, and they realise all the sexy, feminine women are getting it instead, then they're going to have to change.
I know that there will be some people, mostly those that support feminism, who will say "Alan, you're so angry! You need to calm down. There's nothing to worry about, nothing to get upset about. Nothing to see here, move along..."
You're damn right I'm angry.
Do you think that angry black slaves in the 1800's were told the same thing? "Calm down, nothing to get upset about. This has been happening for centuries, just accept it and get back into the fields where you're much happier doing what you're told."
Men are currently being enslaved to feminist demands, in many different and insidious forms. There will be many feminists and feminist sympathiser who will try to disempower men standing up for their rights as men. You have to recognise what it is, and use it to empower you, not continue to drag you down and stay beaten.
Men - do you know what your attitude is doing right now? It's creating more fat women. It's your inability to take ownership of what you want that shows you've given up, and that empowers women to give up as well.
Women and men are 'settling', and becoming fatter, because none of them are striving for what they want and need.
Men - you're not driving women to be better than what they are. You're so embarrassed and afraid to do so, that you're empowering women to give up on the one thing that you want them to be - feminine.
But if you change that, if these women see that feminist demands for entitlement are no longer working for them, they'll quickly realise something needs to change. If more and more men stand up and refuse to be pussy whipped, then it'll be the women that have to change in order to get what they want - which is, ultimately, to be fucked by a man that loves them.
Currently they think love is obedience. You need to teach them that love is respect. And they need to earn your love and respect. (Make sure you understand what being respectful is - you have to be the same). Right now they have none, and it's turning them into fat, angry women that no man is ever going to love and respect.
I know I'm not alone with my thinking. There's men out there who feel exactly the same way - they're just afraid to speak up about it for all the above reasons. They don't want to be shamed and flamed for their opinions.
But there's strength in crowds. More and more men need to step up and join the crowd.
And women too! I know there's plenty of women who think feminism is a very bad idea, because it makes it difficult for women to be treated as equals when feminism wants women to be treated as women who demand to be equal.
And the great thing is - all of the women I've seen supporting men to be men are all sexy and feminine.
So there's a great benefit to standing up and joining the masculine crowd - there's lots of sexy women there too!
Update: does this post make you angry? Are you angry at me, or angry at your life? Have I offended you? Tell me about it in the comments below
If you're like most men, the answer is probably A LOT.
This is what society tells you, of course. It tells you that being a man is a shameful thing, full of indignities against women.
I knew a man that used to be punched in the arm by his wife if he so much as glanced at another woman. So he wore sunglasses all the time so that she couldn't see where his eyes were going.
I knew a man that begged his girlfriend to let him go out for a few drinks with his friends, but she refused to give him permission so he went home with his tail between his legs instead.
I knew a man that wouldn't dream of doing anything without his wife's permission, but he also wouldn't dream of getting her to do the same.
I knew a man that was afraid to talk to women because he had been angrily rejected a few times for trying to strike up a conversation with them.
I knew a man that thought it was wrong to admire a beautiful woman, because he didn't want anyone to think he was treating women like objects.
I could go on and on. It's ridiculous.
This is what western society is today, where a man has to pretend he's not attracted to women in order to be considered acceptable, or that he has to ask permission of women in order to do what he wants to do.
Men have become servants to women.
Is that what you, as a man, are happy with?
Most are. They trade their masculinity and their individuality for what they think is their one chance in life to have sex. These 'beta males' (95% of men) worship the vagina, afraid that once they get it they won't get it again, and in exchange they give up everything that makes them a man.
Men are confused. They think that in order to get sex - every man's primary goal in life - they must do what women tell them to do. They have been brainwashed by radical feminist influences on society over the years to think that in order for men to be accepted members of society, they have to bow down to the great pussy Goddess and do what they're told.
They don't want the embarrassment of being labelled sexist or misogynist just for being attracted to women. They don't want the drama of arguments whenever they want to do something that is uniquely theirs, like a hobby or going out with their friends.
And so they've become ashamed to be men. They've given up the struggle to be themselves. They've become ashamed of their own inner feelings that draw them to being attracted to the feminine in women.
And since most women in the western world are becoming angry fat women (which is a feminist rejection of femininity that's acted out over the past few decades), men think that's the best they can get. And so they cater to these fat women, which only empowers the continuation of women getting fatter.
To be feminine is bad, women think - based on feminist propaganda over the past 20-30 years. Therefore, to be non-feminine is good. Masculine women are good, and so are fat women. You can see it in society wherever you look. They cry out in horror when advertising promotes feminine slim women. "It's an abomination!" They cry out. Fat is good, slim is bad. Masculine women are good, masculine men are bad.
Everything that encourages the masculine in men is to be exorcised from society.
As a result, men have been taught to think being masculine is bad. Desiring slim, feminine women is bad, and a man should be punished for his attraction to such women.
I say to these fat, angry feminists everywhere - fuck you.
Men - you really don't have to put up with the shit that you're putting up with. It's ok to be attracted to sexy, feminine women.
There's something else that you should know about.
Many of these sexy, feminine women are wondering where all the good men are, because they're just not being approached any more. Why? Because men think it's a crime to be attracted to such women, so they stay away to avoid being judged harshly by fat feminists.
More men need to stand up and say, "You know what? Fuck this. I deserve better than this bullshit. I'm not going to be ashamed for my feelings as a man, as a unique biological creature, any more. Fuck all of you that want me to be ashamed of who I really am. I no longer need your bullshit in my life."
If we get more men standing up and doing exactly that, we'll have a significant change in society. When fat, bitchy women with demands of entitlement no longer get what they want, and they realise all the sexy, feminine women are getting it instead, then they're going to have to change.
I know that there will be some people, mostly those that support feminism, who will say "Alan, you're so angry! You need to calm down. There's nothing to worry about, nothing to get upset about. Nothing to see here, move along..."
You're damn right I'm angry.
Do you think that angry black slaves in the 1800's were told the same thing? "Calm down, nothing to get upset about. This has been happening for centuries, just accept it and get back into the fields where you're much happier doing what you're told."
Men are currently being enslaved to feminist demands, in many different and insidious forms. There will be many feminists and feminist sympathiser who will try to disempower men standing up for their rights as men. You have to recognise what it is, and use it to empower you, not continue to drag you down and stay beaten.
Men - do you know what your attitude is doing right now? It's creating more fat women. It's your inability to take ownership of what you want that shows you've given up, and that empowers women to give up as well.
Women and men are 'settling', and becoming fatter, because none of them are striving for what they want and need.
Men - you're not driving women to be better than what they are. You're so embarrassed and afraid to do so, that you're empowering women to give up on the one thing that you want them to be - feminine.
But if you change that, if these women see that feminist demands for entitlement are no longer working for them, they'll quickly realise something needs to change. If more and more men stand up and refuse to be pussy whipped, then it'll be the women that have to change in order to get what they want - which is, ultimately, to be fucked by a man that loves them.
Currently they think love is obedience. You need to teach them that love is respect. And they need to earn your love and respect. (Make sure you understand what being respectful is - you have to be the same). Right now they have none, and it's turning them into fat, angry women that no man is ever going to love and respect.
I know I'm not alone with my thinking. There's men out there who feel exactly the same way - they're just afraid to speak up about it for all the above reasons. They don't want to be shamed and flamed for their opinions.
But there's strength in crowds. More and more men need to step up and join the crowd.
And women too! I know there's plenty of women who think feminism is a very bad idea, because it makes it difficult for women to be treated as equals when feminism wants women to be treated as women who demand to be equal.
And the great thing is - all of the women I've seen supporting men to be men are all sexy and feminine.
So there's a great benefit to standing up and joining the masculine crowd - there's lots of sexy women there too!
Update: does this post make you angry? Are you angry at me, or angry at your life? Have I offended you? Tell me about it in the comments below
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